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PARAGRAPH UNITY

01 Apr

UNITY

Basically, a paragraph is unified by mutually supported sentences. The word ‘unity’ means ‘oneness’. All sentences in a paragraph should focus on the one thing expressed in the topic sentence; all sentences stick together. Unity can be achieved as long as the paragraph has a good, clear topic sentence. If not, we will find it very difficult to control the flowing-in of information and as a result, we might include irrelevant information into the paragraph we are writing.

In a unified paragraph, the subject and the attitude in the topic sentence must be explained thoroughly. The ‘problem’ stated in the sentence has to be settled. All supporting sentences function to clarify the ‘problem’ that is the Topic Sentence. The writer should present it understandably, and interesting to read. So that, the readers should not spend extra time and energy to comprehend the message well.

Read the following paragraph:

(1) Melisa has chosen five possible future careers. (2)Firstly, she wants to become a journalist for an English magazine. (3) Her friends at campus plan to do much more challenging jobs, anyway. (4)Secondly, she might become a dress designer. (5) Finally, she could possibly be a tourist guide.

This paragraph does not fully explain what it must explain. If the Topic Sentence states that Melisa has five choices, the paragraph has to inform the five choices. If not the readers will not be satisfied. Because they still expect to be told the choices which the Topic Sentence promises.

Furthermore, we need to point out the third (3) sentence: “Her friends at campus plan to do much more challenging jobs, anyway.” is irrelevant. It does not add useful information to develop the Topic Sentence.

Consequently, we ought to revise the paragraph above. It might then read as follows:

Melisa has chosen five possible future careers. Firstly, she wants to become a journalist for an English magazine. Secondly, she might become a radio announcer. Thirdly, she intends to work as an interpreter. Fourthly, she is also interested in being an English teacher. Finally, she could possibly be a tourist guide. Certainly, Melisa should study hard to prepare herself for the jobs in the future.

As exercise and assignment of this meeting, download the link below! (Send the result no later than Monday, April 4th 2011)

DOWNLOAD THE HANDOUT and ASSIGNMENT HERE

 
155 Comments

Posted by on April 1, 2011 in Exercise, Lesson, Modul Online

 

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155 responses to “PARAGRAPH UNITY

  1. Moch. musafa'ul Anam (A class 2011)

    November 28, 2011 at 15:22

    ==============My Hometown=======================

    Malang is my hometown which is wonderful town i think. It’s located in East Java, about 2 hours from Surabaya. It has many good tourism places. firts, tugu it is front of Balai kota. Second,if you want to go to the beach, it has Balaikambang and manymore good destinations. About the food, Malang has bakso as the typical food of Malang, then Malang has tempe, now tempe of Malang is already famous in Indonesia, begining from Sabang to Merauke all of people know it. Bahasa walikan or bahasa kiwalan made by Malang people. This languages created since many years ago when colonialization of Dutch. People in Malang is very friendly. They accept the tourist well. Their smile, their attitude will make others enjoy to stay. There are many cultures in Malang. One of them is Bantengan and the second Malang has Topeng dance and you must know, Topeng Dance is originof Malang.
    Malang is a good place. So…………………… YOU MUST VISIT IT.!!!!!!!!!!!!.

    By : A6

     
  2. trisnian ivianti

    April 23, 2011 at 20:10

    funny story
    lost of my shoes
    1.one day I went to my college to finish my administration of lecture
    2.than ,when I pray dhuhur at the mosque I take the water to pray I mean ”wudlu”
    3.I have to put off my shoes to enter the mosque in front of the mosque.
    4.I put off my shoes and than enter the mosque to pray.
    5.It only takes ten minutes to pray.
    6.How poor of me when I want to put on my shoes I didnt find my shoes on the place.
    7.I look for the shoes for awhile and try to ask the security but there is no answer.
    8.Finally I go home without shoes on.
    9.Along the street many people shouted on me and laugh for my foo
    10.Oh my God …..It was my embarrassing and funny too.
    11.The funny is my shoes has a big size so what for the thief took the shoes for.

     
  3. trisnian ivianti

    April 23, 2011 at 19:20

    paragraph unity
    1.this paragraph is irrelevant
    because this paragraph tells us only a language and doesnt give the relevant information to clear the topic.
    2.this paragraph is relevant
    this paragraph tells us about how to use the camera with SLR mode step by step and each sentences are linked.
    3.this paragraph is irrelevant
    this paragraph gives supporting sentences but doesnt give relevant information to clear the topic sentences.

     
  4. AGUS SALIM ENGLISH NONREG 2010

    April 20, 2011 at 21:48

    AGUS SALIM
    ENGLISH IRREGULAR CLASS
    NPM : 2101001320346

    1. A week ago I and all of my students in elementary school went to Safari park II
    2. We go there by bus at 07.00 in the morning and arrived there at 08.00
    3. There…..all of my students enjoyed all of the toy facilities
    4. Two of my students (Tita and Vika) went to baby zoo
    5. There……they can see some kinds of orang utan directly
    6. They can touch and also made a picture with them
    7. When Vika and Tika would like to make a picture with orang utan, they tried to more close with them
    8. Suddenly, orang utan kissed Vika, Vika too histeris, she was very affraid and tried to runaway but orang utan still catched her
    9. Finally, I came and tried to help her and then Vika and Tita canceled to made a picture with orang utan

     
  5. Rina Rachmawati

    April 19, 2011 at 20:19

    PLAYING A NEW CAR

    1.When my children had a new car.
    2.In the evening my husband played with her.
    3.My children started the car but she was not ready.
    4.But her father pushed the car.
    5.Finally my child fell down and she cried.
    6.We were laughing to look her but what a pity of her.

     
  6. ilyas sugianto

    April 19, 2011 at 16:46

    THE FUNNY STORY ilyas suginto, paragraph unity

    1. twelve year ago, I spent my school vacation in field

    2. firstly, I accompanied my friend to field

    3. there, I and my friend was tried to looked for apine apple

    4. what was happening, actually, there was a cow who ran to us

    5. at that time, we didn’t have time to looked for apine apple , without our thinking

    we were also ran as fast as imposibble like that cow

    6. I and my friend really – really afraid with cow and the funny we were chased by a cow until seven time around field.
    7. at that time, we were so tired, and the funny that cow also stoped .and a good again my uncle who has that cow was comed and he knew away to stoped a cow that is open the door of acorral it. Automatically that cow will be comed soon.

     
  7. Aris Susanto nonreg 2010 (2101001320027)

    April 19, 2011 at 09:51

    Sorry…sir ,
    i posted my assignment on monday, but i can’t see it in your blog now???? thats i decided to write again the same story. With miss AGUSTINA SUSANTI haves.

    Funny story to be a Tour guard :

    1. When I to be a Tour guard to Kusuma Agrowisata, I find many foreign tourist
    there.
    2. Some of them, the tourist from Holland ask me, “What the name in Indonesia
    ,the house of Pigeon ?”
    3. I’m forgot, and I tell him “gubug”
    4. But the true is “pagupon”
    5. I’m very regret for him to my lied.

    II Funny story to be a Teacher :

    1. I have funny story to be a teacher
    2. Someday , my student is sick.
    3. But while I teach him, they so healthy
    4. Ask you know teaching in the kinder garden is wonderfull
    5. Sometimes you will find many act of your logica
    SUSANTI AGUSTINA NONREG 2010

    Funny story : GOOse FLY
    1. In the Great day “Idul Fitri ” all of my family assemle at my home

    2. We make a dry cake and a rice cake boiled in a rhombus,especially the girls.

    3. And the boys job is cut off goose and chicken in the backyard.

    4. After cut ,the goose put in the pan, suddenly the goose is flounder while fly
    around of them, besides the neck is broken off.

    5. So all of the boys ran while laugh surprised.

    ARIS SUSANTO NONREG 2010
    These I give to you when I talking yesterday like transtool, indopreter i combine with your dictionari. link :

    http://www.ziddu.com/download/14641105/portable_indopreter.zip.html

     
  8. 'AINUN NI'MAH

    April 19, 2011 at 07:35

    1.I have funniest experience last year
    2.I and my three friends had order diplomas for students of grade 12 at our school.
    3.We order it at our office.
    4.And then, one of my friend who wear a glasses put a banana for eat.
    5.At that time, I fly out the joke and made us laugh so loud. Especially my glasses friend.
    6.But she laughs until her drool out and drop on a diploma.
    7.Because of it, we can’t stop laughing for 15 minutes.
    8.So we not laughed for my joke, but for my friend’s drool.

    ‘AINUN NI’MAH (non reg ’10)
    2101001320119

     
  9. IMAM ROUYANI NON REG 2010

    April 18, 2011 at 22:43

    1. About one month ago, when I went out to Water Fall Park (Taman Coban Rondo) with my friend in our institution.
    2. We made a game Wich the member of the game if made a mistake would get a punishment in front of us.
    3. There was one of my friend he was the best player. Long time the game he never made a mistake. But I could make him to make a mistake.
    4. So that way, to keep the role of game, he ought to come forward in front of us to get punishment from the leader of game.
    5. The leader said that he ought to show his worst face, he became shy. He looked confuse what he ought to do.
    6. After that I said “ let just you did never be punished” and all of my friends supported me. One of them said”that is a friendship

     
  10. abdul hadi setiawan

    April 18, 2011 at 22:04

    Abdul hadi setiawan
    Non reg 2010
    1. brown shorts.That day is Thursday,that’s a hot day
    2.so,me and my friend go to mini water boom in “SELECTA”
    3.that day is not so crowded because that’s not weekend or holiday,so we can swim freely
    4.I am the first who try the mini water boom,I was slid with a superman style,and then my friend follow me.
    5.we do like that again and again until afternoon,finally we decided to go home.
    6.Before we go home,I want to slide for the last time
    7. I slide and fall down in the water,i immediately pulled over to the edge of the pool,suddenly I see brown shorts floating beside me,without thinking I grabbed it and wear it before somebody know .
    8.i am very shy because my floating brown short,oh my god

     
  11. Defi Yuliani non-reg 2010

    April 18, 2011 at 21:43

    1. When high school, I never experienced that embarrassing things about my fear of cats.
    2. At that time I went to the school canteen with a friend. We both intend to buy food and bring it to class.
    3. We walked without seeing what is in front of us.
    4. Suddenly, he heard a cat meowing.
    5. Apparently the cat was right in front of us.
    6. Without realizing it, I and my friend screamed and ran with no direction.
    7. Everyone who was in the canteen when we both laugh.
    8. We are very ashamed. Until now, the incident still sticks in my memory.

     
  12. EKA PRASTIYOWATI

    April 18, 2011 at 21:13

    1. I have a friend who is very funny.

    2. some day i was with my friend to see exhibition.

    3. he road in the middle row and fit any gutter hole, he fell.

    4. his two friends had been looking for him until confused because he disappear..

    5. finally, his two friends found him in the gutter.

    6. and his friends asked with the people closest to help.

     
  13. ROUDLOTUN NI'MAH NON REG 2010

    April 18, 2011 at 20:51

    1. long ago, in the morning when I was in enior high school, thee is a teacher was angrying with my friends.
    2. Suddenly, I came to approach my friends, and then I to the point answered what my teacher said without understand what happened? Without asked with my friends before, on and on and on………….
    3. I was unrealizead, my friends loughed me inside. I didn’t understand why? My friend laughed me.
    4. Then I asked with my friend, why you laughed me? They answered that I miss conection with angryed my our teacher. Actually my teacher was testing all of us.
    5. Finally, I became shy and laughed my self.

    He…………he……….he……….?

     
  14. NOOR AZIZAH NONREG 2010

    April 18, 2011 at 20:23

    1. one year ago I went to the wedding my friend named Anna.
    2. I came with Frista and I met with high school friends
    3.when we wait for the time food, we tell our life after graduate school.
    4. long ago we also are in invited to eat.
    5. After the meal we said goodbye to the bride.
    6.when us toward the aisle to take pictures and say goodbye, wedding stage suddenly collapsed.
    7.may be because we aisle to the stage together to stage it not hold the load.
    8.we all feel very ashamed because people that were present saw it happen with a laugh.
    9. We also apologize to the bride because it set the stage aisle damaged

     
  15. EKA PRASTIYOWATI

    April 18, 2011 at 20:21

    A. My opinion about the paragraph i think is relevant. and than i agree if Bernard want study in Europe, but better than Bernard study in German etc.
    B. My opinion about paragraph B i think the reader can take the information clearly and than the second paragraph is relevant and the second paragraph is interdependent between main idea, and mayor supporting idea. so that i can say’s very good and interesting paragraph.
    C. My opinion about paragraph C. i think not relevant than we went to lake toba enjoying the beach of samosir. why this the sentence make the paragraph not relevant? because the rider story about his trip in Kalimantan but why he talk about Sumatra.

     
  16. jumiati elida yuni

    April 18, 2011 at 20:11

    dear sir…..

    i posted my assignment on saturday, but y i can’t see it in your blog nw???? thats y i decided to write again d same story.

    1. last year when my friends from another town came to visit me

    2. they wanted to eat lalapan

    3. i invited them to had dinner at a street vendors

    4. while we were waiting for, a waiter gave us a bowl of water for washing hand

    5. but my friends drunk that water, he thought it was a clear soup

    6. it was a funniest thing ive ever had, poor on you my friend

     
  17. IIS ASTUTIK NONREG 2010

    April 18, 2011 at 19:54

    1. Three years ago there was a funny incident that I’ll never forget, when I was working in Jakarta.
    2. Every morning I always wake up at five in the morning.
    3. One day I woke up because the alarm clock rang loudly pointing at five.
    4. I got up and went to take mobile phones to call friends, because I promise I will call at five o’clock in the morning.
    5. Soon my friend’s voice,he shouted angrily and said “what time is it”
    6. I woke up to see the watch, I will still aghast at three o’clock in the morning.
    7. I ended up apologizing and not be talking about our plans.
    8. I closed mobile phone while holding a laugh.

     
  18. siti fajar istiqomah

    April 18, 2011 at 19:52

    1). I have a funny story about my brother.
    2) 2 years ago he met with friends from high school.
    3) theme suddenly said “last night I dreamed I kissed your wife.” sorry
    4) My sister was shocked and said “no wonder my wife told me that he had a dream last night in the kiss monkey”
    5) they both immediately laughed out loud

    siti fajar istiqomah NR 2010

     
  19. siti fajar istiqomah

    April 18, 2011 at 19:39

    a. The first paragraph in my opinion is irrelevant because at the beginning of a paragraph to tell his brother younger. but the contents of the paragraph is about Bernad. whereas we do not know her brother was who.
    b.relevan. because the above paragraph describes each one another.
    c.tidak relevant because at the end of the paragraph describes the holiday at the beginning kalmantan while explaining the holiday to the Sumatran.

    siti fajar istiqomah NR 2010

     
  20. Mochamad Ali Akbar

    April 18, 2011 at 19:38

    1. Four month ago, I went to Malang for study at first time
    2. Honesty I felt very enthusiastic for enjoy with my lesson of the Collages
    3. Then, I didn’t known why suddenly I’ve been sleep in a Bus
    4. After about one hour left, I arrived in Malang and change the other transportation for to go to the Colleges
    5. In first place, I had down of the bus. I still felt sleep so briefly I did up to the transportation who has moved to me without look the icon before
    6. Certainly, first in the transportation I felt comfortable, thirty minute left I felt there was as strange of the transportation who has used by me
    7. By surprised “OMG where does I stay ?”, in fact I was used the wrong transportation
    8. I’ve confused because I never went to Malang before
    9. Next the driver give me direction how to go to the Collage
    10. Ultimately, that’s embarrassed, Ironic moment of my experience …

     
  21. FITRIA AGUSTIN

    April 18, 2011 at 19:25

    FITRIA A.
    B. INGG NR 2010

    1. embarrassing moment
    2. Saturday evening, when I’m go to the market with my husband
    3. I find a gift for my friend
    4. when I’m in the market, I’m go to souvenir counter
    5. and I’m look for special souvenir for my friend wedding party
    6. I asked to my husband, are this one souvenir suitable for wadding gift
    7. but my husband didn’t speak to me
    8. once more, I asked to my husband
    9. but, he still didn’t speak to me
    10. when I tried to saw him, I can’t find him beside me
    11. But the others people. And they just look at me
    12. oh my god, I’m so shy
    13. Than I’m promised to my self, before I’m speak to someone I must see they before.

     
  22. yuliana mayasari

    April 18, 2011 at 19:02

    the funny story

    1. I have a funny story about my pupils in my class
    2. at that time, I explained about the driver of vehicles
    3. there are various kind of the driver that I had told them.
    4. as usual, I asked them every name of the driver such as pilot, nahkoda, sopir, masinis kusir ect.
    5. when I asked to all of my pupils what do we called the driver of ship, suddenly one of my pupils answer me immediately and loudly ” narkoba”
    6. it was surprising me and I can’t hold my laugh because it was funny.
    7. then I told him that it was wrong and gave him the right answer.
    8. maybe he often heard that word in television and similar with nahkoda word.

     
  23. Beny Ari Hakam

    April 18, 2011 at 18:56

    Name : Beny Ari Hakam
    Class : English Department (Non-Reg 2010)

    1. Last month 1 went to my school
    2. When I teach my students there was something wrong in my nose.
    3. Actually I didn’t know what’s wrong n mynose.
    4. Before my students said to me and my student laugh me.
    5. My students said Sir! there was something wrong in your nose, they mean black pulkadot.
    6. I realized, I said oh…! I am sory didn’t know this is from ink after erasing white board I touch my nose.
    7. After sawing my nose in front of mirror I was shock.
    8. I said t my students thank you very much for your intention.
    9. Because this is the first my experience I always said thank you very much.

     
  24. wisnu

    April 18, 2011 at 18:44

    Pendidikan Bhs Inggris / Non Reg 2010

    1. I’ve ever experienced some embarrassing story at the past, not funny at all. But Mom said it was very funny. It happened Several years ago, when I’m still in junior high school.
    2. I went to the market with my Mom, and helped her to brought everything she had buy. Absolutely I always walked after her.
    3. I don’t know how, suddenly I follow a wrong mother, same dress, same market bag, and almost same hair cut.
    4. But unfortunately I realized something strange. The Skirt is black also but it was little different with My Mom’s, and My Mother using sandals, not “bakiak”.
    5. I made myself sure with called her while touched her hand. She turned around and looked at me strangely…then both of us said the same question almost in the same time : “WHO ARE YOU?”
    6. Dear God, WRONG MOTHER! I didn’t care again it was so embarrassed me. I just turned back then started to run away and try to found my real Mom.
    7. Lucky me, finally I found her at my uncle shop in that market. She’s almost getting angry because she thought I went to play around without her permission.
    8. I explained everything just happened to me, Mom and uncle started to laugh and I felt so embarrassed. I told her to stopped it, because it was not funny at all for me.

     
  25. Binti L Mubarokah

    April 18, 2011 at 18:44

    Name : Binti L Mubarokah
    Class : English Department (Non-Reg 2010)

    My Wallet Left at Room

    1. My wallet left at room when I went to the Sunday market.
    2. At Sunday morning, I went to the Sunday market with my best friend.
    3. I had to looked for something, start from hunted dress, food, small beads and the last I interested with bracelet.
    4. I liked it and I repeatedly to tried it.
    5. And so I asked the price to the seller.
    6. I tried to offered and I agree with the price.
    7. And then I want paid it.
    8. But, I looked for my wallet in my bag was nothing.
    9. I was confused because my wallet was nothing and I had offered the bracelet.
    10. So, I remembered my wallet still on the table in my room.
    11. I was panic and shy with the seller.
    12. My friend just laughed at me.
    13. So, the last choice, I must borrowed money with my best friend.
    14. Because If I canceled to bought it I was shy with the seller, because I repeatedly to tried it.
    15. I said thanks to my friend and she still laughed at me.

     
  26. armini (Ikip Budi Utomo/non reg/2101001320111)

    April 18, 2011 at 15:33

    1. Ten years ago, when the first I lived in Japan, I was not understanding Japanese.
    2. One morning, after I finished shop, from a distance I saw my neighbors near from my house.
    3. I said in my heart if the later was in front of her I would accost with greeting.
    4. Because still morning, I thought, I would say “Ohayou gozaimasu” to her.
    5. But after in front of her, it turns out I said “konnichiwa” which the meaning is “good afternoon”.
    6. Soon she explained that what I said was wrong, she explained that: Konnichiwa is good afternoon whereas good morning is ohayou gozaimasu.
    7. Since that time I always remember that event.

     
  27. rengga anggun

    April 18, 2011 at 15:25

    Name:rengga anggun prismia
    Non-reg
    1),at 19.00 o’clock pm,my friend called me to go my friend’s party
    2)after that we made decision to go there at 8 o’clock
    3)before going there i prepared everything ,likes my dress,my money etc
    4)for about at 20.00 o’clock pm ,my friend arrived to my house with her red car.so we went there together and she drove it
    5)arriving there ,we were greeted by the couple
    6)they very appreciated to us, not only that they gave us food,drink etc
    7)we were very happy there
    8)at 20.30 pm i and my friend allowed to go home .and at usuall we have to give them money in the envelope. likes the person habit when they go party
    9) when we would give the envelope to the couple and i opened my wallei to take it.
    10)suddenly,i surprised when the envelope was not in the my wallet
    11)i was very shy and i just whisper to my friend only before shaking my hand to them
    12)and i asked to my friend”do u bring money” she said no i dont
    13)upzz…i was very confused………
    14)finally when we shaked our hand i said to them”sorry your envelope left……he
    15) and they just laughted…..and said take it easy

    Name : Mar’atus Sholichah
    1.One day when i wanted to go Ikip budi utomo with my friend.
    2.I went early for about 2 hours before i was in the class.
    3.My father always accompanied me untill in the place where i waited for the bus.
    4.And when i was in the place,the bus came soon.
    5.I ran going to the bus,ups…..i forgeted if i didn’t ask money yet to my father.
    6.So i came back to my father.
    7.The condector waited for me,and with annoying he said ”why you didn’t ask last time when you were still in your house?”.
    8.I just smiled and said “I’am sorry Mr…….”

     
  28. RISWATI PUSPITA

    April 18, 2011 at 15:24

    RISWATI PUSPITA
    NON REG 2010
    1. Two week ago I went to market
    2. In there I forgot the something to bought. I want to bought an apple, but im not sure
    3. I round the market for three time. I round in vegetable shop, in fruit shop, and everywhere
    4. A seller ask for me, are you will buy something? But iam only silent iam confusing
    5. Finnaly iam went home, with disapointed and iam laugh continously, but in home I think I want to buy an avocaddo.

     
  29. novita septiyani /pnd. b.inggris 2010

    April 18, 2011 at 14:23

    When I attended a self to singer contest ..I’m prepare to race, costumes and makeup are also styles which I plan the best. Short Story, when the race took place and my name was called I then advanced upwards in stage. Singing and show my best performance .. lot of people sympathetic ( perhaps cause very much people give applause) but more laughs with a strange gaze. After singing I paused and a lot of people yelling …. flip flops ………..flip flops …….. ….. turns out I forgot to wear flip flops . No wonder people looked at me while laugh .I’m embarrassed and go home without waiting for the results announcement.

     
  30. sugi astuti

    April 18, 2011 at 10:49

    1. In the last Sunday I went to the Sunday market
    2. I went with my mother
    3. I see very much stand in there and very much people in there
    4. In there I looked my friends when I in junior High school
    5. I called her very loudly but she was not my friends
    6. I very ashamed and I said apologize in her because I called wrong people
    7. But it’s never mind because I very confident

    name : sugi astuti
    non reg 2010

     
  31. ainia pertiwi (ikip budi utomo/2101001320117)

    April 18, 2011 at 10:00

    1. This is funny story about my younger brother, he is 4 years old.
    2. When my family saw video about Korea song and the song is many dance in the video.
    3. Korea song was very enjoyable and it can make us want to go dancing.
    4. When in the middle of the song, my brother at beside me.
    5. When I saw him, he ignored me and he just concentrated with the song.
    6. Suddenly he took position with imitating the movement is in the song and he so funny.
    7. Finally we all laughed because the movement made by him so funny…

     
  32. Yusfita Eka Nurjana

    April 18, 2011 at 09:47

    Name : Yusfita Eka Nurjana
    NPM : 2101000320209
    Class : English Department (Non Reg)

    1. Sleep can become comfort with usual by other people.
    2. In malang I leave together with my friend university lecturer in boarding house. I leave a room with her.
    3. At 00.09 pm my friend has been sleep but does not pray isya’.
    4. Later I waked her. So that she fasts a pray. Not long time later, she getting up.
    5. Last her a close eye. She said’ where is a television? And her sleep again.
    6. Without conscious, I to laugh while startled listening her word and looking her speak.
    7. New I conscious that, talk in her sleep. It is true a funny story in my boarding house.

     
  33. maftakhatul fitria Risma

    April 18, 2011 at 09:45

    1. I have a friend his name Mahsa . He was my friend during high school.
    2. One day when leaving for school, he was riding a motorcycle. He was late to come to school, because his home is far, 11 KM from our school.
    3. rain on the way down. He forgot to bring a raincoat. He did not stop to take shelter, because at the first lesson is repeated daily. So have to drive at high speed.
    4. suddenly shaky motor, rear tire was leaking. So he must bring motorcycle to the garage for repair.
    5. until arrived school, she looked pale and wet soaking. In School, him only wet, because in our school district does not rain. So only the clothes he was wet and had delayed school.

    Maftakhatul fitria Risma D.
    Non Reg 2010
    2101001320199

     
  34. Novi Sisca Rosana

    April 18, 2011 at 08:40

    Name : Novi Sisca Rosana
    Class : non reg 2010 (transfer)
    Wrong guess
    1. Wrong guess, this incident happened last week when college has finished

    2. I sat on the ground floor and was waiting my husband to pick up me at the campus

    3. Suddenly 2 guys came to me and they want to know each other

    4. They were guess me from the Flores, and I told them that I from Lawang, but their don’t believed

    5. They still force me and asked me to proved

    6. So, directly I gave the proved when my friend mrs Leni come near me and we makes conversation with java language

    7. And I seen them speechless and embarrassed with the red face looks like a crab

     
  35. ARIS SUSANTO nonreg 2010 (IKIP BOEDOET)

    April 18, 2011 at 06:05

    Funny story : GOOse FLY
    1. In the Great day “Idul Fitri ” all of my family assemle at my home
    2. We make a dry cake and a rice cake boiled in a rhombus,especially the girls.
    3. And the boys job is cut off goose and chicken in the backyard.
    4. After cut ,the goose put in the pan, suddenly the goose is flounder while fly
    around of them, besides the neck is broken off.
    5. So all of the boys ran while laugh surprised.

    ARIS SUSANTO NONREG 2010
    These I give to you when I talking yesterday like transtool, indopreter,thanks.
    dowload link :

    http://www.ziddu.com/download/14641105/portable_indopreter.zip.html

     
    • MGMP BAHASA INGGRIS

      March 4, 2012 at 09:35

      Thankz pak Aris. ;-))

       
  36. SUSANTI AGUSTINA nonreg 2010 (IKIP BOEDOET)

    April 18, 2011 at 05:41

    Funny story to be a Tour guard :

    1. When I to be a Tour guard to Kusuma Agrowisata, Ifind many foreign tourist
    there.
    2. Some of them, the tourist from Holland ask me, “What the name in Indonesia
    ,the house of Pigeon ?”
    3. I’m forgot, and I tell him “gubug”
    4. But the true is “pagupon”
    5. I’m very regret for him to my lied.

    II Funny story to be a Teacher :

    1. I have funny story to be a teacher
    2. Someday , my student is sick.
    3. But while I teach him, they so healthy
    4. Ask you know teaching in the kinder garden is wonderfull
    5. Sometimes you will find many act of your logica
    SUSANTI AGUSTINA NONREG 2010

     
  37. ARIS SUSANTO nonreg 2010 (IKIP BOEDOET)

    April 18, 2011 at 04:49

    Funny story : GOOse FLY
    1. In the Great day “Idul Fitri ” all of my family assemle at my home
    2. We make a dry cake and a rice cake boiled in a rhombus,especially the girls.
    3. And the boys job is cut off goose and chicken in the backyard.
    4. After cut ,the goose put in the pan, suddenly the goose is flounder while fly around of them, besides the neck is broken off.
    5. So all of the boys ran while laugh surprised.

    ARIS SUSANTO NONREG 2010
    These I give to you when I talking yesterday like transtool, indopreter,thanks.
    download link :
    http://www.ziddu.com/download/14641105/portable_indopreter.zip.html

     
  38. SUSANTI AGUSTINA nonreg 2010 (IKIP BOEDOET)

    April 18, 2011 at 03:58

    Funny story to be a Tour guard :

    1. When I to be a Tour guard to Kusuma Agrowisata, Ifind many foreign tourist
    there.

    2. Some of them, the tourist from Holland ask me, “What the name in Indonesia
    ,the house of Pigeon ?”

    3. I’m forgot, and I tell him “gubug”

    4. But the true is “pagupon”

    5. I’m very regret for him to my lied.

    II Funny story to be a Teacher :

    1. I have funny story to be a teacher

    2. Someday , my student is sick.

    3. But while I teach him, they so healthy

    4. Ask you know teaching in the kinder garden is wonderfull

    5. Sometimes you will find many act of your logica

    SUSANTI AGUSTINA NONREG 2010

     
  39. rini eliya novida

    April 17, 2011 at 13:46

    FUNNY STORY
    1. A week ago I had funny story about my grand mother
    2. When my grandmother woke up at 04.00 pm she ran and went to bath room
    3. I’ve confused why my grandmother like that, so I went to peeped her. Actually she prayed.
    4. After prayed she told “Alhamdulillah I was pray subuh and I laughed and I said I though you prayed for ashar because this time for ashar mom.
    5. “really, oh I confuse I tough this is at 04.00 am
    6. Actually she was missed understanding with this watch.

     
  40. Sulianto

    April 17, 2011 at 10:46

    1. My first day of college was a disaster.
    2. First, I went to the wrong classroom for math.
    3. I was sitting in the class, surrounded by people taking notes and paying attention to how to do equations, which would have been okay if I was supposed to be in an algebra class.
    4. In reality, I was supposed to be in geometry, and when I discovered my error, I had already missed the first twenty minutes of a one-hour class.
    5. When I got to the correct class, all twenty-five students turned and looked at me as the teacher said, “You’re late.”
    6. That would have been bad enough, but in my next class my history teacher spoke so fast I could not follow most of what he said.
    7. The only thing I did hear was that we were having a quiz tomorrow over today’s lecture.
    8. My day seemed to be going better during botany class, that is, until we visited the lab.
    9. I had a sneezing fit because of one of the plants in the lab and had to leave the room.
    10. When I finally finished my classes for the day, I discovered I had locked my keys in the car and had to wait for my brother to bring another set.
    11. My first day of school was so bad that I know the rest will have to be better.

     
  41. Mansur S

    April 17, 2011 at 10:43

    1. Las Monday, I played football in the yard of boarding school with my friends.
    2. That time, I felt fun because as we played football we could laugh together.
    3. Fininshed to play football, we went home.
    4. Then, we took a bath together.
    5. As we weere taking a bath there was my friend had no soap.
    6. So, I had to give my soap to him.
    7. The last, I prayed together with my friends at our boarding school.

     
  42. miss joe

    April 17, 2011 at 00:27

    The funniest moment in my life

    1. Last year when my friends came from another town

    2. They wanted to eat lalapan

    3. I invited them to had dinner at a street vendors

    4. While we were waiting for, a waiter gave us a bowl of water for washing hand

    5. But my friend drunk that water, he thought it was a clear soup…….

    6. It was a fuuniest thing ive ever had. poor on you my friend

     
  43. Liswati

    April 16, 2011 at 21:26

    Liswati (Non-Reg 2010)
    MISS COMING CLASS
    1. I have some funny story
    2. At Saturday, when I will followed the speaking class I heard my phone is ringing
    3. And then I answering the call
    4. Because of I’m enjoying my conversation by phone, Unrealized I take someone’s hand that I think She is my friend but I’m wrong because my friends gone away when I answer the call
    5. And then I came into the class without I know that it is not my class. I fell so shy and go away from that class.

     
  44. Liswati

    April 16, 2011 at 21:25

    Liswati (Non-Reg 2010)
    1. In my opinion, the first paragraph is not relevant because in the first sentence there is a word “her” without subject substitution to “her”. This is my result of revision for the first paragraph :
    Senja has a younger brother, his name is Bernard. Her younger brother has studied in Europe for many years…………….
    2. The second paragraph is good and coherence among one sentence to another. So, it clear nothing that must be correct or revisit.
    3. The third paragraph is not relevant because the first sentence tell that the author have trip in Sumatra but the last sentence Said that the author have trip in Borneo. The correct for this paragraph is omitted the sentence that telling about the trip into Borneo.

     
  45. wiwit widianto

    April 16, 2011 at 20:21

    WIWIT WIDIANTO

    1. Ten years ago i had excepted on military academy in Magelang
    2. One month i were staying there with many frends.
    3. I had a funny story once midnight i feel hungry , in Camp military we do not eat on midnight because the time for sleep.
    4. But i break the rule and i were eating with ravenous while the opsir had came.
    5. Because that i get a punishment to arround the field with one leght .

     
  46. Endang Sri Utami

    April 16, 2011 at 19:13

    Endang Sri Utami

    Paragraph Unity

    1. I would go to school to worked.
    2. I got to there by motorcycle.
    3. In that time, I were hurriedly, because the time almost 7 o’clock.
    4. I confused to looked for my motorcycle key.
    5. I asked to everybody in my home.
    6. I shouted, “where is my key, where is my key?”.
    7. Finally, my young brother said, “your key in your hand”.
    8. Oh, My God..!

     
  47. niatul chashilah

    April 16, 2011 at 17:25

    1. make a mistake by handing unknown hand.oh my god, what a shame am i.
    2. two weeks ago, i went to music concert in balai kota malang
    3. this happen because my friend and i at the time were so tried to wait for the actress we had already hoped for them
    4. after that, we decided to go home soon.
    5. in our trip went home, i wanted to hold my friend’s hand cos i felt not comfortable with many people over there.
    6. unrealizingly, i held the wrong hand.
    7. and the man who the owned the hand asked me to left his hand with say “sory miss,you were wrong.
    8. oh, sorry….
    9. directly my face liked “boiled shrimp”

     
  48. niatul chashilah

    April 16, 2011 at 17:07

    a. the paragraph is not thoroughly developed yet.because the readers not explain some the language expert that he able to communicate fluently.this is my revision.
    a. Her younger brother; Bernard, who has studied in Europe for many years, speaks some international languages fluently.such as German,English, Spain, mandarin etc. German is one of the languages that Bernard has mastered really well; he can speak and also write it practically as well as Germans do. Because of his language ability, Bernard is considered as a young polyglot.he also want to apply his English expert by teaching student about English.but that is still dream.and he try to proof it.
    B. paragraph B is relevant.i think the reader can take the information clearly.
    C. there is one sentence make this paragraph not relevant. this is the sentence: then, we went to lake toba enjoying the beach of Samosir.why this sentence make the paragraph not relevant? because the reader story about his trip in kalimantan, but why he talk about sumatra.

     
    • MGMP BAHASA INGGRIS

      April 16, 2011 at 17:15

      Dear Miss Niat, the Topic Sentence is talking about having trips in Sumatra, so which should be omitted? Sumatra or Kalimantan?

       
  49. Sendi Hardiyanti ( A-2 )

    April 16, 2011 at 17:01

    PARAGRAPH COHERENCE

    Fall down from motorcycle
    On Sunday morning, I went to traditional market with my sister. But, on the way, I fell down because my sister rode very fast. Unfortunately, my sister did not help me but laughing. Fortunately, I’m OK. Until this time, I shy if remember this accident. I hoped this will not happen again.

     
  50. Mentari Sulistyaningsih

    April 16, 2011 at 16:58

    This is my story that happened yesterday in my friends’s house. Exactly it’s not funny story, but becomes funny when in the rush time. Yesterday was tiring day, however i still felt funny. That day was many assignment that my group and I had to finish and that was closly time with dead line. In that situation, I divided the duty in my group. I said to my friend to go to campus with motorcycle. And i went the others, I did my duty quickly. Suddenly, on the way I went there, my friend sent me messages and asked me where was the motorcycle key, laughing all the time, I went back to my friend and gave the key at the moment.

     
  51. zahriyati mushoffah

    April 16, 2011 at 16:44

    Nama : Zahriyati Mushoffah
    Nim : 2101001320142
    Kelas : Non Reguler 2010

    1. Yesterday my aunt delivered a cute, little baby.

    2. He is quite fat, maybe about three kilograms, and looks funny.

    3. His cheeks are reddish in colour

    4. He spends most of his time sleeping.

    5. I really like him and am not patient to be able to play with him.

     
  52. inggrit wahyu putri

    April 16, 2011 at 14:42

    Coherence

    Beautiful cat is a cat a clean, healthy and well maintained. First, the things that need to be noticed is a healthy cat food and nutrition, among other things: fresh fish, minced meat, and fish snacks. In addition, cat hygiene should always be maintained, that is by bathing them every day by using a specific shampoo and rub cat’s every curve of that body. After bathing the cat and then dry them, next is to give powder so that no germs or lice. In addition, the powder can also create a cat hair smooth and soft. For long-haired cats and dense, then we have to comb their feathers gently for that feathers doesn’t fall. Playing with cats is also one way to avoid for cats do not stress. Cats are not stressed will look more cheerful and look beautiful. Most games to enjoy doing is playing ball and thread. Cats are moving to the right and the left is a sign that the cat is happy. The last is the cat checked by a veterinarian. This examination is usually done once a month to find out medical history cat. If treatment is done properly and correctly, then the cat will look pretty and adorable.

     
  53. HIDAYATUL ISMIYAH

    April 16, 2011 at 14:28

    PARAGRAPH COHERENT:B.INGGRIS REGULAR (A1)

    THE ARCHIPELAGO OF INDONESIA

    IN FACT, Indonesia different with others country, THEREFORE Indonesian country have others name, the name is Thousand Archipelago. BESIDE that,Indonesia also have famous island and beautiful island.FOR EXAMPLE Java,Sumatra,Kalimantan,Sulawesi and Bali. ACTUALLY every island have different characteristic with others island.THE FIRST is Java Island, it has a big population and public central of government. THE SECOND is Sumatra Island, Sumatra has a big forest and have small population. THE THIRD is Kalimantan Island, this island famous with mine industry. THE FOURTH is Sulawesi Island,it is a small island of Indonesia and the location of this island between Kalimantan Island and Irian Jaya Island. THE LAST is Bali Island, it is beautiful Island because this island have a lot of beautiful beach and tourism resort. IN SHORT,Indonesian country have a lot of famous island and Indonesian country can get advantage from it, THEREFORE Indonesian country one of big country in the word.

     
  54. zahriyati mushoffah

    April 16, 2011 at 14:14

    Many people like camping. Indeed, camping is one of the most interesting hobbies. Camping is not very expensive. We can make the equipment from odds and ends. And we can do this long before we go camping.
    Camping is very useful for us. Camping can make us love our environment. It can also make us more friendly. Camping trains us to work cooperatively. When you go camping with some friends, do not forget to distribute the jobs. For example, some of you put up the tent, some cook the meal, some others are responsible for the first aid. You can also ask some of your friends to entertain all the members. Perhaps one of you will sing a country song, or need a poem.
    You can enjoy camping very much because you can do many interesting thing. If you are near a swimming pool, you may have a swimming competition. You can play some sport, dance, or draw the panorama. You can bring your tape recorder or radio and enjoy your favorite music, or you can even play football with the student nearby.

    Topic Sentence : Camping
    1.Mass : Many people like camping.
    Miss 1.1 : Camping is one of the most interesting hobbies.
    Miss 1.2 : Camping is not very expensive.
    Miss 1.3 : We can make the equipment from odds and ends.
    2.Mass :Camping is very useful for us.
    Miss 2.1 : Camping make us love our environment.
    Miss 2.2 : It can also make us more friendly.
    Miss 2.3 : Camping trains us to work cooperatively.
    3.Mass :When you go camping with some friends, do not forget to distribute
    the jobs.
    Miss 3.1 : Some of you put up the tent.
    Miss 3.2 : Some cook the meal.
    Miss 3.3 : Some other are responsible for the first aid.
    4.Mass : You can enjoy camping very much because you can do many interesting
    things.
    Miss 4.1 : If you are near a swimming pool, you may have a swimming pool, you
    may have a swimming competition.
    Miss 4.2 : You can play some sports, dance, or draw the panorama.

    Conclusion : Camping is very useful for us.

     
  55. Norhani A-2

    April 16, 2011 at 12:33

    FUNNY ENGLISH
    After i think about the English language is funny and complicated as well. how could I not? eg double letter oo u read, like book to read evidence. gak-saving letters. sometimes even read the same letter differ, example Cut(pronounced kat) while still a put readable LPO also, why guns pat? while even mean AIR WATER, puppy (read hubby) mean a puppy. if Buffalo(read bafalo or father lo) means buffalo. if COW read you) means cow ( read you) means cows . happens : papi puppies, bapaklo buffalo, you cow hahaha………
    Another example: going to say one book in a book in english is, if two books have to say two books. why kok plus everything? while the tomato if more than one should not be added ice tomatoes into tomatoes. I understand if tomatoes plus tomatoes ice to ice!!!! funny English

     
  56. febriani/A1

    April 16, 2011 at 12:16

    The impact of the oil palm plantation
    divided two forms:
    – Positive effects
    -Negative effects

    -Positive effects
    the impact of the oil palm plantation in the community generally is open employment for people who do not get a job, developing the project is to pave the way into the interior of the course is still path.

    – negative effects
    negative impacts of planting palm can cause barren soil,landslides, and hot water.

     
  57. Aris Susanto IKIP Boedoet nonreg 2010 (2101001320027)

    April 16, 2011 at 10:22

    A. I think this paragraph can be develop,
    Because from the sentences “speaks some international language fluently” we can develop it with put the German languages,spain languages,japan language..,for the completely as the minor supporting idea.
    B. Second paragraph is interdependent between main idea,mayor supporting idea and minor supporting idea, I think is good paragraph.
    C. A month ago I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. We stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. We bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons. Then we went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. The last, I had the same trips in Borneo. There were some amusing sites that I could enjoy and seek new adventures. What a great experience!

    I think is relevan paragraph if we omit “the last, I had the same trips in Borneo” sentences because the sentence make confuse the reader,and clumsy pronouncement in the paragraph.

     
  58. endang sri utami

    April 15, 2011 at 19:40

    a and b paragraphs are coherent paragraph, they have relevant sentences and suitable with topic sentence. but c paragraph has a sentence that uncoherent and irrelevant with topic sentence. the sentence is ” the last, i had the some trips in Borneo “, Borneo is not place in Sumatra, and I had the some trips in Borneo is irrelevant sentence.
    we might change it be come ” the last, I had the special trips in Sumatra. I crosed the Ampera bridge, a modern bridge with natural panorama

     
  59. lilis yuliani

    April 15, 2011 at 14:13

    a) The paragraph is thoroughly developed because this paragraph does fully explain what it must explain and the paragraph is relevant.
    b) The paragraph part B is thoroughly developed because the readers can get the information easily.
    c) Paragraph C is coherence if we deleted the sentence about the trip in borneo. And this is the revision:
    A month ago I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. We stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. We bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons. Then we went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. What a great experience!

     
  60. Diana Feronika

    April 15, 2011 at 13:53

    diana feronika
    2101101320337
    non reg 2010

    a) Paragraph part A is not thoroughly developed because there is no explain who is Bernard’s sister and how Bernard can speaks some international languages fluently. Is he study in international language program or because of his effort to speak international language. This is my revision
    Diana has younger brother; Bernard, who has studied in Europe for many years. He study in international language program so he can speaks some international languages fluently. German is one of the languages that Bernard has mastered really well; he can speak and also write it practically as well as Germans do. Because of his language ability, Bernard is considered as a young polyglot.
    b) Paragraph B is relevant and the readers can get the information from the text.
    c) Paragraph C is relevant if we deleted the sentence about the trip in borneo. And this is the revision:
    A month ago I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. We stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. We bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons. Then we went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. What a great experience!

     
  61. Wahyu Fikih Andiani

    April 15, 2011 at 12:08

    Pharagraph Coherence !!!

    * What a mess Morning *

    Last week exactly Wednesday, I came late woke up at 07.45 am,i looked at my clock … oh my god ,,,, I had go to campus at 08.00 am
    Immadiately, I took a bath … Unlucky ,Queued up in bathroom
    Insitedly , I waited till my turn …
    When on the way to Campus,behind me there was a crazy woman
    Irronically she tried arresting me ,, Perhaps wanted to hit me , I directly run away
    When arrive in campus my lecture did’t come because of something and Finally, I decided to go home !!!

     
  62. rina rachmawati

    April 15, 2011 at 10:31

    a. this paragraph was thoroughly developed because tell abut who is bernard and explain about his ability how to laguages.

    b. that paragraph is clear

    c this paragraph is not relevan besause the subject doesn’t consist.

    a month ago i spent my vacation trips in sumatra. firstly i had 2 days trip at lake
    maninjau near padang. i swam the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool
    breezes. from ther i had 2 hours trip to bukit tinggi, a small hill top town which
    takes i to some spetacular country side with coffe, clove and cinnamon plantation.
    from there i went a bus journey to bukit lawang, home of the wwf orangutan
    rehabilitation centre. istayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no
    running water and eletricity. we bathed in the river and had dinner under a
    kerosene lamp. but, it is quite a wonderfull sight to see the giant creatures
    that come swinging along on trees. the surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys
    and gibbons. then i went to lake toba emjoying the beach of pulau samosir. the
    last i had the some trip in borneo. there were some amusing sites that i could
    enjoy and seek new advantures. what a great experience.

     
  63. rini eliya novida

    April 15, 2011 at 10:26

    a. this paragraph is has relevant one and another word because this paragraph explain about bernard who has studied in europe and one of the languages is jerman and bernard ability do it.

    b. this paragraph is relevant because this paragraph explain about how to take picture succesfully with SRL method.

    c. this paragraph is not relevant because the subjects are’n consist. there are3 subjects i, you, we. i think only subject ‘I’ must use.

    a month ago i spent my vacation trips in sumatra. firstly i had 2 days trip at lake
    maninjau near padang. i swam the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool
    breezes. from ther i had 2 hours trip to bukit tinggi, a small hill top town which
    takes i to some spetacular country side with coffe, clove and cinnamon plantation.
    from there i went a bus journey to bukit lawang, home of the wwf orangutan
    rehabilitation centre. istayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no
    running water and eletricity. we bathed in the river and had dinner under a
    kerosene lamp. but, it is quite a wonderfull sight to see the giant creatures
    that come swinging along on trees. the surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys
    and gibbons. then i went to lake toba emjoying the beach of pulau samosir. the
    last i had the some trip in borneo. there were some amusing sites that i could
    enjoy and seek new advantures. what a great experience.

     
  64. AGUS SALIM ENGLISH NONREG 2010

    April 15, 2011 at 09:47

    AGUS SALIM
    English non regular 2010
    NPM : 2101001320346
    Task topic : Pharagraph unity

    1. In my opinion, pharagraph A has not thoroughly developed yet. We need more explanation to make it clearly and to make the topic sentence match with the conclusion .

    Pharagraph revission :

    Bernard is her younger brother. He has studied in Europe for many years, he can speaks some international languages very well and fluently. German is one of the languages that Bernard has mastered really well, he can speaks and also writes it practically as well as Germans do. Because of his language ability, Bernard become as a well-known writer now. She loves Bernard so much as her younger brother.

    2. Pharagraph B is very good. Because all sentences focus on the one thing expressed in the topic sentence namely to the picture successfully using manual.

    3. In my opinion, pharagraph C is good. But don’t forget that pharagraph C should only explains about all of the vacation trip in Sumatera island (as a topic sentence), so….we don’t need to including about all of the experience in Borneo on this pharagraph, but we can make new pharagrah to tell about it.

    e.g :

    A month ago I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. We stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. We bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons. Then we went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. What a great experience!

    The last, I had the same trips in Borneo. ……………………………………………………..

     
  65. AGUS SALIM ENGLISH NONREG 2010

    April 15, 2011 at 09:41

    c. A month ago I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. We stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. We bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons. Then we went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. The last, I had the same trips in Borneo. There were some amusing sites that I could enjoy and seek new adventures. What a great experience!

     
  66. abdul hadi

    April 14, 2011 at 22:25

    PARAGRAPH UNITY
    Exercise 3
    Paragraph A not thoroughly developed
    because make reader confuse,its tell about younger brother of bernard or bernard it self
    Paragraph B is clear topic sentence
    because it has coherence from the first until the last sentence
    Paragraph C not thoroughly developed
    because the first sentence explain about vocation trip in sumatra, but in the last sentence explain about borneo.borneo is in kalimantan not in sumatra,so we can delete or change the false sentence

    A month ago I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. We stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. We bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons. Then we went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. There were some amusing sites that I could enjoy and seek new adventures. What a great experience!

    Abdul hadi setiawan nonreg 2010 (english department)

     
  67. abdul hadi

    April 14, 2011 at 22:22

    a.A month ago I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. We stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. We bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons. Then we went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. The last, I had the same trips in Borneo. There were some amusing sites that I could enjoy and seek new adventures. What a great experience!

     
  68. Novi Sisca Rosana

    April 14, 2011 at 19:41

    Name : Novi Sisca Rosana
    Class non regular 2010

    Exercise 3
    a) The paragraph it was thoroughly developed and all sentence in paragraph was focus on the one thing expressed in the topic sentence.
    b) The paragraph is developed well and it was coherence between one sentence to another .
    c) In this paragraph is not thoroughly developed because this paragraph is not relevant in the first line said is “my vacation trips in Sumatra” but in last line said “I had the same trip in Borneo”. That sentence show it was not focus. And also need some revise

    Revise from paragraph C
    I will change the paragraph above and only focus in the West Sumatera that is not too extended from the topic sentence.

    A month ago I spent my vacation trips in West Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. There were some amusing sites that I could enjoy and seek new adventures. What a great experience!

     
  69. Mochamad Ali Akbar

    April 14, 2011 at 19:22

    Nama : Mochamad Ali Akbar
    NPM : 2101001320347
    Kelas / Semest. : Ekstensi (Non Regular) / 2
    Program Studi : Pendidikan Bahasa Inggris
    Fakultas : Fakultas Pendidikan Ilmu Sosial Humaniora
    Angkatan : 2010

    PARAGRAPH UNITY

    Excercise 3

    A. Well, in first paragraph i’ve analised it and my result the paragraph is relevant. But it confusing coz there is a Mistery(?). I mind that paragraph tell about Bernard or bernard’s Brother. so thatz way in first paragraph is not full to explain.

    B. I think in second paragraph its so Clearly; there are topic, supporting idea (MaSS and MiSS) and finally there is a conclusion, and d’ paragraps so sistematic then be able to understand by the reader so in the otherhand the paragraph throughly Develop

    C. Third Paragraph can be relevant or Develop if there is 2 Sentence of the paragraph as “we stay in the jungle …. and we bathed in the river …” Be deleted … my reason bout thatz coz its immposible if there is in hotel nothing about Water and electricity then bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. so thatz all of my revision about excersice 3 in PARAGRAPH UNITY.

     
  70. Novita Septiyani /Pend.Bhs.Inggris/2010

    April 14, 2011 at 19:04

    My answers to Exercise 3
    a. Paragraph “ A” is Thoroughly developed because the text write is Bernard is considered as a young polyglot, so international mens he can specak other than Germany.
    b. Paragraph “ B” is Thoroughly developed because this paragraph is has a clear main idea and one sentence and the other sentence is very coherence.
    c. Paragraph “C” is Not thoroughly developed because this paragraph is not revelan , Borneo is not in Sumatra but in Kalimantan and the main idea said is “ my vacation trips in Sumatra”.

    From : Novi Septiyani 2010

     
  71. Binti L Mubarokah

    April 14, 2011 at 19:03

    Nama : Binti L Mubarokah
    Class : English Department 2010 (Non-Reg)
    NPM : 2101001320030

    A. My opinion:
    The paragraph is unified or relevant because it explains the reason why bernard is considered as a young polyglot.

    B. My opinion
    The paragraph is unified or relevant because the topic sentences is supported by sentences explaining the steps of taking pictures succesfully.

    C. My Opinion:
    The paragraph is an relevant because the last sentence is out of the topic which is about the writer’s vacation in Sumatra, the sentence should be ommited is that “The last, I had the same trips in Borneo. There were some amusing sites that I could enjoy and seek new adventures”.

     
  72. Yusfita Eka Nurjana

    April 14, 2011 at 18:57

    Name : Yusfita Eka Nurjana
    NPM : 2101000320209
    Class : English Department (Non Reg)

    a. Her younger brother; Bernard, who has studied in Europe for many years, speaks some international languages fluently. German is one of the languages that Bernard has mastered really well; he can speak and also write it practically as well as Germans do. Because of his language ability, Bernard is considered as a young polyglot.

    Opinion:
    I think this paragraph in that explanation difficult for in understanding. Because that less word which connect. we ought to revise the paragraph above. It migh then read as follows:

    My younger brother is Bernard. He has studied in Europe for many years. He can speak some international languages fluently. Especially German languages who constitute one of the languages that Bernard has mastered really well. he can speak and also write it practically with Germans. Because of his language ability. So Bernard is considered as a young polyglot.

    b. To take pictures successfully using a manual, Single Reflex Lens (SRL) camera requires accuracy. Before shooting, you need to make certain that you have focussed on the subject. Be sure, too, thatt you have set the light meter carefully to obtain correct exposure. Do not forget to check that you have turned the dial speed to be same as the film speed written on the film box, for instance, ISO 100/din 21. And when you press the release button, make sure that you hold your camera firmly; you must avoid shaking the camera. If you follow the above steps, you deserve beautiful, satisfactory pictures.

    Opinion:
    This paragraph a fully explain what it must explain and is relevance, this paragraph explain about procedure used a camera. A sentence is coherence so become instruction in use a camera understanding easy by readers. So, does not thoroughly developed and revise the paragraph.

    c. A month ago I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. We stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. We bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons. Then we went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. The last, I had the same trips in Borneo. There were some amusing sites that I could enjoy and seek new adventures. What a great experience!

    Opinion:
    This paragraph does not explain as coherence, must need to development sentence and also need to be conclusion sentence. As section closing paragraph. So, we ought to revise the paragraph above. It migh then read as follows:

    A month ago I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. Secondly after from Danau Maninjau I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. Thirdly after from Bukit Tinggi I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. We stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. We bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons. Fourthly after Bukit Tinggi we went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. The last, I had the same trips in Borneo. From all the my vacation, I could enjoy and seek new adventures with some amusing sites.

     
  73. wiwit widianto

    April 14, 2011 at 18:41

    My opinion about are paragraph:
    a). on this paragraph can’t thoroughly developed, bcause in the sentence has no explain about international language with clear. and the explain not complete why Bernard can write and speaks Internatioanal language very much.
    revise this paragraph:
    – The younger brother Bernard,he has studied in europr for many years also that he can write and speaks international language espscially german very well. he has ability to speaks because he was practically it with germany people. Because it he can a be young polyglot.
    b). I think this paragraph can thoroughly developed, because in ths paragrapp has explain detail about how to make a good picture with camera.
    c) My opinion for third paragraph is can thoroughly deveveloped, bcause in this paragraph has explained with detail Mass and miss, i say no problem with this.
    FROM WIWIT WIDIANTO ( Transfer 2010)

     
  74. wiwit widianto

    April 14, 2011 at 14:29

    My answers to Exercise 3
    a. Paragraph “ A” is Thoroughly developed because the text write is Bernard is considered as a young polyglot, so international mens he can specak other than Germany.
    b. Paragraph “ B” is Thoroughly developed because this paragraph is has a clear main idea and one sentence and the other sentence is very coherence.
    c. Paragraph “C” is Not thoroughly developed because this paragraph is not revelan , Borneo is not in Sumatra but in Kalimantan and the main idea said is “ my vacation trips in Sumatra”.

    From : Novi Septiyani 2010

     
  75. wiwit widianto

    April 14, 2011 at 13:38

    WIWIT WIDIANTO 2010

    The paragraph must explain about:
    1. Mayority Suppoorting Sentence like the kind of job has Melisa wants,Must explained clearly about job that Melisa wants.
    2. And then completed with explain with detail about jobs. like She wants become a journalist for an English magazine.

    in point 3 . The paragraph is not Relevant with Topic sentence because not explained about the jobs only her frends want to do much challanging job not detail.
    ya we must revise the paragraph in order to be good paragraph complet with Mass and Miss

     
  76. armini (Ikip Budi Utomo/2101001320111)

    April 14, 2011 at 13:19

    a. This paragraph is not clear and can confusing readers because in this paragraph does not explain in detail the identity of whom is “Her” in sentence “her younger brother”. So to more clearly the word “Her” should be replaced with names of people, for example “Ellison’s younger brother”.
    b. This paragraph is perfect, because the explanatory sentence in this paragraph is to explain clearly the main sentence is about how to take pictures manually to get a satisfactory picture.
    c. This sentence is not relevant because the sentence that tells herself but in a few sentences mentioned the words “you” and “We”, so this sentence becomes awkward and confusing.
    This is revision for paragraph c:
    A month ago I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes me to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. I stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. I bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons. Then I went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. The last, I had the same trips in Borneo. There were some amusing sites that I could enjoy and seek new adventures. What a great experience!

     
  77. Vanda Fakhrozi

    April 14, 2011 at 10:36

    Exercise 3
    1. Paragraph A confused to developed or to understanding that the meaning not thoroughly developed, and need some explaination again to make coherence paragraph
    Reason : That make this paragraph make confused in first line. Who are Bernard?
    Bernard as younger brother or younger brother of Bernard
    2. Paragraph B is coherence paragraph, because one and another paragraph can to understanding about information. So this paragraph can to thoroughly developed.
    3. Paragraph C is good paragraph if some sentences deleted, because that sentence make this paragraph not coherence between main idea and the last paragraph
    Reason : in the first paragraph explaining about trip in Sumatera, but in the last paragraph explain about trip in Borneo or Kalimantan
    So must deleted sentence I had the same trips in Borneo.

    Vanda Fakhrozi – Non Reguler – English Education 2010

     
  78. novita septiyani /prnd. b.inggris 2010

    April 14, 2011 at 10:25

    Exercise 3
    a. Paragraph “ A” is Thoroughly developed because the text write is Bernard is considered as a young polyglot, so international mens he can specak other than Germany.
    b. Paragraph “ B” is Thoroughly developed because this paragraph is has a clear main idea and one sentence and the other sentence is very coherence.
    c. Paragraph “C” is Not thoroughly developed because this paragraph is not revelan , Borneo is not in Sumatra but in Kalimantan and the main idea said is “ my vacation trips in Sumatra”.

     
  79. Tuah

    April 14, 2011 at 08:15

    Tuah
    Pendidikan Bahasa Inggris
    NIM : 2101001320211

    PARAGRAPH UNITY

    Exercise 3
    What do you think about the followings: Are the paragraph thoroughly developed or not? Elaborate your opinion.
    • Her younger brother; Bernard, who has studied in Europe for many years, speaks some international languages fluently. German is one of the languages that Bernard has mastered really well; he can speak and also write it practically as well as Germans do. He can also speak English as well as french. He usually uses English in his office. He sometimes speaks french when he meets his friends from Paris. Now he is studying dutch to complete his ability of language. Yes, he is good at languages in Europe. Because of his language ability, Bernard is considered as a young polyglot.

     
  80. vira setia ningrum

    April 14, 2011 at 06:18

    Exercise 3
    a. Not thoroughly developed because this paragraph is not clear about the explain. From the first sentence it explain about “the younger brother of Bernard” or “Bernard as a younger brother”. It’s very confused.
    b. Thoroughly developed because this paragraph is explain about using a manual with completely. From one sentence and the other sentences are coherence. And this paragraph has a good and clear topic sentence.
    c. Not thoroughly developed because in the sentence “ the last, I had the same trips in Borneo “ is irrelevant, because Borneo is one of place in Kalimantan, so it does not add useful information to develop the topic sentence about trip in Sumatra.

    Assignment 3
    a. Bernard who has studied in Europe for many years speaks some international languages fluently. German is one of the languages that Bernard has mastered really well. He can speak and also write it practically as well as German do. Because of his language ability, Bernard is consider as a young polyglot.
    b. The paragraph is thoroughly developed
    c. A month ago I pent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hour trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantation. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Cente. We stayed in the jungle in a very charming “ hotel “ with no running water and electricity. We bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons. Then we went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. There were some amusing sites that I could enjoy to vacation trips in Sumatra. What a great experience !

    vira setia ningrum non reg 2010- npm : 2101001320112

     
  81. yuliana mayasari

    April 13, 2011 at 19:05

    Nama : Yuliana Mayasari
    NPM : 2101001320128
    Non Reg 2010

    According to me, paragraph part A is not developed yet and needs the explanation to make it perfect. This is the revision for paragraph part A :
    Maria has the younger brother, his names is Bernard. He has studied in Europe for many years about International Languages and now he can speak some international languages fluently. German is one of the languages that Bernard has mastered really well. He can speak and also write it practically as well as Germans do. Bernard is considered as a young polyglot because of his language ability.

    According to me, paragraph part B is a good paragraph because the readers can understanding about the information easily.

    We can delete two sentences in paragraph part C to make unified paragraph. It’s about journey in Borneo. This is my revision for paragraph part C.
    A month ago I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. We stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. We bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons. Then we went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. What a great experience!

     
  82. azizah nur imanah

    April 13, 2011 at 14:48

    a. This paragraph is not relevant, because the explanation bernardy can speaks international languages fluenty without khow how the process of learning and that is not koherence.

    b. This paragraph it is were koherence and is developed well.

    c. This paragraph can be developed, because the logical sentences in interesting.

     
  83. iis astutik non reg 2010

    April 13, 2011 at 12:40

    FOR A:
    this is a relevant paragraph cause the main idea is connected to conclusion

    FOR B:
    think this paragraph not relevant, cause not have a main idea but have conclusion. if make a relevant you need a topic at first paragraph, so the reading can be interested what you write.ex:
    take picture whit manual camera is very bad. cause to take pictures successfully using a manual, single reflex lens (srl) camera requires accuracy. before shooting, you need to make certain that you have focussed on the subject. be sure, too, that you have set the light meter carefully to obtain correct exposure. do not forget to check that you have turned the dial speed to be same as the film speed written on the film box, for instance, iso 100/din 21. and when you press the release button, make sure that you hold your camera firmly; you must avoid shaking the camera. if you follow the above steps, you deserve beautiful, satisfactory pictures.
    FOR C:
    Actualy it a good paragraph, but once sentences make not relevant cause when you talk about sumatra why you said about borneo at the last sentences
    please reply at my email

     
  84. iis astutik non reg 2010

    April 13, 2011 at 12:39

    FOR A:
    this is a relevant paragraph cause the main idea is connected to conclusion

    FOR B:
    think this paragraph not relevant, cause not have a main idea but have conclusion. if make a relevant you need a topic at first paragraph, so the reading can be interested what you write.ex:
    take picture whit manual camera is very bad. cause to take pictures successfully using a manual, single reflex lens (srl) camera requires accuracy. before shooting, you need to make certain that you have focussed on the subject. be sure, too, that you have set the light meter carefully to obtain correct exposure. do not forget to check that you have turned the dial speed to be same as the film speed written on the film box, for instance, iso 100/din 21. and when you press the release button, make sure that you hold your camera firmly; you must avoid shaking the camera. if you follow the above steps, you deserve beautiful, satisfactory pictures.
    FOR C:
    Actualy it a good paragraph, but once sentences make not relevant cause when you talk about sumatra why you said about borneo at the last sentences

     
  85. iis astutik non reg 2010

    April 13, 2011 at 12:34

    FOR A:
    this is a relevant paragraph cause the main idea is connect to conclusion

    FOR B:
    i think this paragraph not relevant, cause not have a main idea but have conclusion. if make a relevant you need a topic at first paragraph, so the reading can be interested what you write.ex:

    Take picture whit manual camera is very bad, cause to take pictures successfully using a manual, Single Reflex Lens (SRL) camera requires accuracy. Before shooting, you need to make certain that you have focussed on the subject. Be sure, too, that you have set the light meter carefully to obtain correct exposure. Do not forget to check that you have turned the dial speed to be same as the film speed written on the film box, for instance, ISO 100/din 21. And when you press the release button, make sure that you hold your camera firmly; you must avoid shaking the camera. If you follow the above steps, you deserve beautiful, satisfactory pictures.

    FOR C:
    actualy it a good paragraph, but once sentences make not relevant cause when you talk about vacation at sumatra island, why,a sentences talk about borneo at the last sentences. but the conclusion is relevant

    please reply at my email

     
  86. FITRIA AGUSTIN

    April 12, 2011 at 18:36

    FITRIA A
    B INGG NR 2010

    EXERCISE 3
    a. this paragraph doesn’t fully explain what it must explain, because the reader still expect the choices with the topic sentence promises
    b. the paragraph is thoroughly developed, because the paragraph fully explain from the first to the last how to get satisfactory picture
    c. The paragraph is thoroughly developed, the writer explains about the writer vacation. Topic sentence and conclusion is relevant

    ASSIGMENT 3
    Paragraph (a) isn’t thoroughly developed.
    I ought to revise the paragraph (a) so that it can be read as well as possible.

    Bernard graduated from university in Europe and he speaks some international languages fluently (1). Bernard can speak Spanish well (2). And he also speaks in Arabic (3). But German is one of the languages that Bernard has mastered really well (4). He can speak and also write it practically as well as German do (5). Because of his language ability, Bernard considered as a young polyglot (6).

    Topic sentence paragraph (1)
    Body paragraph (2, 3, 4, 5)
    Conclusion paragraph (6)
    So, topic sentence and conclusion is relevant.

     
  87. FITRIA AGUSTIN

    April 11, 2011 at 12:07

    Topic sentence : my family is everything for me
    MaSS I : my sister live with her family
    MiSS I.I : brother in law
    MiSS I.2 : my cousin
    MaSS 2 : I was married and I live with my own family
    MiSS 2.I : my husband
    MiSS 2.2 : my son
    MaSS 3 : my daily activities
    MiSS 3.I : house keeping
    3.I.I : washing
    3.I.2 : swipe
    MaSS 4 : my son’s activities
    MiSS 4.I : go to school
    MiSS 4.2 : play with his friends
    Conclusion my life so meaningless, without my family.

     
  88. wiwit widianto

    April 9, 2011 at 16:37

    uty off writing

    Soekarno let’s Comunism and marxism in Indonesia because prostitute. KGB prepare special room for Soekarno president in Moskow. Soekarno acompany with prostitute super beauty and sexy for making love in bed.The women is high class prostitue especially for service Nation guest, recruited be scret agency on prostitute deparment in KGB organization. From backside mirror camera was setting to record sexual intercouse Soekarno president with a prostitute.Soekarno invited to wacthing the record, and the KGB agency tell him that everithingi formed.They have thousand prostitute trained. This record will revolved and turn on in front off indonesia people in order to Soekarno value of president can be broken.But if Comunism and Marxism can develop in Indonesia , the record will be destroyed. They have a copied and ready to expose to arround the word. Finally, Soekarno let the Comunism and marxism develop in Indonesia.

    Thopic sentence : Soekarno let,s Comunism and marxism in Indonesia
    because a prostitute
    1. Mass : KGB prepare special room for Soekarno president in
    Moskow.
    Miss 1.1 : Sukarno acompany with prostitute super beauty and
    super sexy for making love in bed.
    Miss 1.2 : The women is high class prostitute especially for
    sevice the nation guest.
    2. Mass : From backside mirror was setting camera to record
    sexula intercouse Soekarno president wih prostitute.
    Miss 2.1 :
    3. Mass : Soekarno invited to watching the record
    Miss 3.1 : The KGB agency tell him that everithing is formed.
    Miss 3.2 : They have Thousand prostitute trained.
    4 Mass : This record wiil revolved and turn on in front off
    Indonesia people.
    Miss.4.1 : in order to Soekarno value of president be broken.
    Miss 4.2 : But if Comunism and marxism can develope in
    Indonesia the rocording will be destroyed.
    From WIWIT WIDIANTO
    NPM ;2101001320046

     
  89. novita septiyani /prnd. b.inggris 2010

    April 8, 2011 at 10:25

    weighing 700 pounds (320 kg)

    Terri Smith, 49, a 700-pound woman pinned in her room to sleep, unable to move, stand or roll over – customize a new world record as the most obese women.
    She suffered severe headaches and the need for MRI scans to examine the potential for brain tumors, unfortunately she was also too big to fit in a scanner or to pass through the doors of the hospital.
    Terry used to be a gentle girl. At age 7, she weighs almost 70 pounds.
    She explained that the poor family that did not allow for parents to bargain healthy food.
    At the age of twenty, Terry weighs about 120 pounds. Terri married Myron, in 1986. At age 32 she suffered from severe arthritis in her knees and unable to walk more than a few steps at a time.
    Last Smith gives electric wheelchair to get around in. The lack of physical exercise and do not have changed her food caused their weight to any point she could barely stand. Then about three years ago a change in medication caused her to gain weight 41 kg in 30 days.
    INTRODUCTION :
    → Women who broke the world record fasttest weighing 700 pounds ( 320 kg ).
    MASS :
    → She is only to sleep, unable to move, stand or roll over.
    → The lack of physical exercise and do not have changed her food caused their weight to any point she could barely stand
    MISSS :
    → She explained that the poor family
    → Then about three years ago a change in medication caused her to gain weight 41 kg in 30 days.
    → At the age of twenty, Terry weighs about 120 pounds, At age 32 she suffered from severe arthritis in her knees and unable to walk more than a few steps at a time.

     
  90. IMAM ROUYANI (ENGLISH NON REG 2010)

    April 8, 2011 at 00:24

    Learning or teaching is an activity that we must do and we give to our children. Because he is the key to success to reach a bright future, preparing generations of people with an insight into the high science. That will ultimately be useful for the nation, state, and religion, to learning or teaching we must have good method. Seeing such a vital role, then apply an effective and efficient method is a necessity. With the hope of teaching and learning process will be running fun and not boring.

    Topic : Effective Learning Method
    MaSS 1 : Learning or teaching is very important.
    MiSS 1.1 : Learning or teaching is an activity that we must do and we give to our children.
    MiSS 1.2 : Learning or teaching must we give to our children.
    MiSS 1.3 : our children need Learning or teaching.
    MaSS 2 : Childs is the key to success to reach a bright future
    MiSS 2.1 : for preparing generations of people with an insight into the high science.
    MaSS 3 : The childs with high science will be useful for the nation, state, and religion.
    MiSS 3.1 : we must have good method
    MaSS 4 : Learning or teaching is a vital rool
    MiSS 4.1 : apply an effective and efficient method is a necessity.
    MiSS 4.2 : With the hope of teaching and learning process will be running fun and not boring.

    Conclusion : Learning or teaching is very important to uor children, because they are a key to
    success to reach a bright future, preparing generations of people with an insight
    into the high science.

     
  91. AINIYAH PERTIWI(ENGLISH NON REG 2010)

    April 8, 2011 at 00:15

    Learning or teaching is an activity that we must do and we give to our children. Because he is the key to success to reach a bright future, preparing generations of people with an insight into the high science. That will ultimately be useful for the nation, state, and religion, to learning or teaching we must have good method. Seeing such a vital role, then apply an effective and efficient method is a necessity. With the hope of teaching and learning process will be running fun and not boring.

    Topic : Effective Learning Method
    MaSS 1 : Learning or teaching is very important.
    MiSS 1.1 : Learning or teaching is an activity that we must do and we give to our children.
    MiSS 1.2 : Learning or teaching must we give to our children.
    MiSS 1.3 : our children need Learning or teaching.
    MaSS 2 : Childs is the key to success to reach a bright future
    MiSS 2.1 : for preparing generations of people with an insight into the high science.
    MaSS 3 : The childs with high science will be useful for the nation, state, and religion.
    MiSS 3.1 : we must have good method
    MaSS 4 : Learning or teaching is a vital rool
    MiSS 4.1 : apply an effective and efficient method is a necessity.
    MiSS 4.2 : With the hope of teaching and learning process will be running fun and not boring.

    Conclusion : Learning or teaching is very important to uor children, because they are a key to success to reach a bright future, preparing generations of people with an insight into the high science.

     
  92. ROUDLOTUN NI'MAH (ENGLISH NON REG 2010)

    April 8, 2011 at 00:12

    Effect of music on child development, studies prove that music, especially classical music influence the development of IQ (Intelligent Quotien) and EQ (Emotional Quotien). A child who is accustomed to listening to music since childhood will be more developed emotional intelligence intelijensinya, and the level of discipline would be better compared with children who rarely listen to music. The meaning of the music here is the music that has a regular rhythm, not oblique tones. Music has three important parts of beat, rhythm and harmony. Beat affects the body, affecting the rhythm of the soul, while affecting the spirit of harmony. The most obvious example that greatly affect the body’s beat is the music concert skirts, bias certainly no one who is not swayed. The introduction of music in children should be given well before the child knows or start learning to play music instruments. Children who know the music from an early age have a much greater sensitivity than children who know the music over 10 years. Not only that, recognize early music in children can also help children become independent self, improve motor control, improve language skills and speech, while controlling emotional and social development of children. Music can be used as therapy for children, musical means of expression. With the music a child can be helpful in controlling his emotions, so when the child was angry he can channel his emotions with the music.

    Topic : Effect of music on child development
    MaSS 1 : studies prove that music, especially classical music influence the development of IQ (Intelligent Quotien) and EQ (Emotional Quotien)
    MiSS 1.1 : A child who is accustomed to listening to music since childhood will be more developed emotional intelligence intelijensinya, and the level of discipline would be better compared with children who rarely listen to music.
    MiSS 1.2 : The meaning of the music here is the music that has a regular rhythm, not oblique tones.
    MaSS 2 : Music has three important parts of beat, rhythm and harmony
    MiSS 2.1 : Beat affects the body, affecting the rhythm of the soul, while affecting the spirit of harmony.
    MiSS 2.2 : The most obvious example that greatly affect the body’s beat is the music concert skirts, bias certainly no one who is not swayed.
    MaSS 3 : The introduction of music in children should be given well before the child knows or start learning to play music instruments.
    MiSS 3.1 : Children who know the music from an early age have a much greater sensitivity than children who know the music over 10 years.
    MiSS 3.2 : Not only that, recognize early music in children can also help children become independent self, improve motor control, improve language skills and speech, while controlling emotional and social development of children.
    MiSS 3.3 : while controlling emotional and social development of children
    MaSS 4 : Music can be used as therapy for children, musical means of expression.
    MiSS 4.1 : With the music a child can be helpful in controlling his emotions,
    MiSS 4.2 : so when the child was angry he can channel his emotions with the music

    Conclusion: Music is very useful and very influential for the growth and development of a child. Especially for children who have not yet reached the age of 5 years (under-fives). The benefits are as follows:
    1) Optimizing brain development
    2) Increase the multiple intelligence
    3) pasting the parent to child
    4) Building a social-emotional skills of children
    5) Increase attention to the tasks and the ability to talk yourself
    6) Develop control impulsive and motor development
    7) Bridging the child’s creativity and pleasure.

     
  93. AINIYAH PERTIWI (ENGLISH NON REG 2010)

    April 7, 2011 at 23:54

    I have two hero in my house. The first is my father. He was very care with all family members. My father gave me a lot of advice, love, and discipline. He is really loved me sincerely without expecting anything. The second is my mother. She was a very gentle loving and care with all family members. She always helped me and care for everything. My father and my mother are everything for me. They are human never forgotten in my life because they are who make my life become complete. So I can learn many things from my father and my mother to become a hero in my life.

    Topic sentence : I have two hero in my house
    Mass 1 : The first is my father
    Miss 1.1 : He was very care with all family members.
    Miss 1.2 : My father gave me a lot of advice, love, and discipline.
    Miss 1.3 : He is really loved me sincerely without expecting anything.
    Mass 2 :The second is my mother.
    Miss 2.1 :She was a very gentle loving and care with all family members.
    Miss 2.2 :She always helped me and care for everything.
    Mass 3 :My father and my mother are everything for me.
    Mass 3.1 :They are human never forgotten in my life because they are who make my life become complete..
    Conclusion : So I can learn many things from my father and my mother to become a hero in my life.

     
  94. AGUS SALIM ENGLISH NONREG 2010

    April 7, 2011 at 22:58

    AGUS SALIM (ENGLISH NON REG 2010)

    Mathew Brady was one well-known American photographers. He took many potraits of famous people. The potraits were unusual because they were very life-like and full of personality. Brady was also the first person to takes pictures of a war. His 1862 civil war pictures showed dead soldiers and ruined cities. They made the war seem more real and more terrible.

    Topic sentence : Mathew Brady was one well-known American photographers

    MaSS 1 : He took many potraits of famous people
    MiSS 1.1 : The potraits were unusual
    MiSS 1.2 : The potraits were very life-like and full of personality

    MaSS 2 : Brady was also the first person to takes pictures of a war
    MiSS 2.1 : His 1862 civil war pictures showed dead soldiers
    MiSS 2.2 : The picture showed ruined cities

    Conclusion : The potraits made the war seem more real and more terrible.

     
  95. Aris Susanto nonreg 2010 (2101001320027)

    April 7, 2011 at 21:32

    ETERNAL RIVALRY BETWEEN DEVIL AND MAN
    Devil is one of God’s creature being. God created it of hell fire that very extremely hot. Devil is made manifest and miscellaneous faction,can take after tree,animal,or even man. In its realization devil utilizes stratagem,so man that its faith rans down will be carried away by it.

    Man constitutes the pink of perfection the infinite being. Since has mind and kindness that is utilized to differentiate which one is right and which that incorrect. Besides man also have passion atmosphere. Man was proveded with by heart “qolbu”,to differentiate one well and bad one. With its kindness mind human can know thyself. Any kind that desirable and whatever one is had to reach its wish.

    Devil is human main enemy because always try to mire man into aberrance. Total more devil a lot of than human. And devil have kepted faith to look for friend as much as possible of man faction for turns in at hell. It was written in Al Qur’ an. Of preceding epoch thus far,among devil and man will ever be inimical until final epoch.

    Topic Sentences : Eternal rivalry between devil and man
    Mass I : Devil is one of God’s creature being
    Miss 1 : God created it of hell fire that very extremely hot
    Miss 2 : Devil is made manifest and miscellaneous faction,can take after
    tree,animal,or even man
    Miss 3 : In its realization devil utilizes stratagem,so man that its faith rans down
    will be carried away by it
    Mass II : Man constitutes the pink of perfection the infinite being
    Miss 1 : Since has mind and kindness that is utilized to differentiate which one
    is right and which that incorrect.
    Miss 2 : Besides man also have passion atmosphere
    Miss 3 : Man was proveded with by heart “qolbu”,to differentiate one well and
    bad one
    Miss 4 : With its kindness mind human can know thyself
    Mass III : Devil is human main enemy because always try to mire man into
    aberrance
    Miss 1 : Total more devil a lot of than human
    Miss 2 : And devil have kepted faith to look for friend as much as possible of
    man faction for turns in at hell
    Conclusion : Of preceding epoch thus far,among devil and man will ever be inimical until final epoch.

     
  96. Aris Susanto nonreg 2010 (2101001320027)

    April 7, 2011 at 21:14

    ETERNAL RIVALRY BETWEEN DEVIL AND MAN
    Devil is one of God’s creature being. God created it of hell fire that very extremely hot. Devil is made manifest and miscellaneous faction,can take after tree,animal,or even man. In its realization devil utilizes stratagem,so man that its faith rans down will be carried away by it.
    Man constitutes the pink of perfection the infinite being. Since has mind and kindness that is utilized to differentiate which one is right and which that incorrect. Besides man also have passion atmosphere. Man was proveded with by heart “qolbu”,to differentiate one well and bad one. With its kindness mind human can know thyself. Any kind that desirable and whatever one is had to reach its wish.
    Devil is human main enemy because always try to mire man into aberrance. Total more devil a lot of than human. And devil have kepted faith to look for friend as much as possible of man faction for turns in at hell. It was written in Al Qur’ an. Of preceding epoch thus far,among devil and man will ever be inimical until final epoch.

    Topic Sentences : Eternal rivalry between devil and man
    Mass I : Devil is one of God’s creature being
    Miss 1 : God created it of hell fire that very extremely hot
    Miss 2 : Devil is made manifest and miscellaneous faction,can take after
    tree,animal,or even man
    Miss 3 : In its realization devil utilizes stratagem,so man that its faith rans down
    will be carried away by it
    Mass II : Man constitutes the pink of perfection the infinite being
    Miss 1 : Since has mind and kindness that is utilized to differentiate which one
    is right and which that incorrect.
    Miss 2 : Besides man also have passion atmosphere
    Miss 3 : Man was proveded with by heart “qolbu”,to differentiate one well and
    bad one
    Miss 4 : With its kindness mind human can know thyself
    Mass III : Devil is human main enemy because always try to mire man into
    aberrance
    Miss 1 : Total more devil a lot of than human
    Miss 2 : And devil have kepted faith to look for friend as much as possible of
    man faction for turns in at hell
    Conclusion : Of preceding epoch thus far,among devil and man will ever be inimical until final epoch.

     
  97. Liswati

    April 7, 2011 at 19:45

    1. Paragraph
    GOLD
    Gold a precious metal is prized for two important characteristics. First of all, gold has a lustrous beauty that is resistant to corrosion. Therefore, it is suitable for jewelry, coins, and ornamental purposes. Gold never needs to be polished and will remain beautiful forever. For example, a macedonian coins remains as untarnished today as the day it was minted twenty – three centuries ago. Another important characteristic of gold is its usefulness to industry and science. For many years it has been used in hundreds of industrial applications. The most recent use of gold is in astronauts suits. Astronauts wear gold plated heat shields for protection outside spaceships. In Conclusion, gold is treasured not only for its beauty but laso for its utility.
    2. Topic Sentences : Gold
     Major Sentence : Characteristics of gold
    Minor sentence : Gold has a lustrous beauty
    Minor Sentence : Suitable for jewelry, coins, and ornamed purposes
     Major Sentence : Gold never needs to be polished and will remain beautiful forever
    Minor Sentence : For example, a macedonian coins remains as untarnished
    Minor Sentence : today as the day it was minted twenty – three centuries ago
     Major Sentence : Another important characteristic of gold is its usefulness to industry and science for many years
    Minor Sentence : It has been used in hundreds of industrial applications
     Major Sntence : The most recent use of gold is in astronouts suits
    Minor Sentence : Astronouts wear gold plate heat shields for protection outside spaceships
     Conclusion : Gold is treasured not only for itsbeauty but laso for its utility

     
    • MGMP BAHASA INGGRIS

      April 10, 2011 at 13:55

      dear Ms. Armini

      That’s good Topic. Just check your writing grammatically.

       
    • MGMP BAHASA INGGRIS

      April 10, 2011 at 13:58

      Dear Ms. Liswati

      Can you make your TOPIC SENTENCE having more attitude?

       
  98. Armini (ikip budi utomo / 2101001320111)

    April 7, 2011 at 17:24

    1. Topic : The role of mother in household
    a. Mass 1: Wife
    -Miss 1.1: As friend and life partner
    -Miss 1.2: Of encouragement to her husband
    -Miss 1.3: as a wise advisor
    b. Mass 2: Mother
    -Miss 2.1: Pregnant
    -Miss 2.2: Gave Birth
    -Miss 2.3: Meet all the need of children
    c. Mass 3: Household Manager
    -Miss 3.1: Foster Families
    -Miss 3.2: Manage the family economy
    -Miss 3.3: Produce a good quality family
    d. Mass 4: Primary Educator
    -Miss 4.1: Establishment Mindset
    -Miss 4.2: Spritual Advisor
    -Miss 4.3: Giver stimulation for the child’s development
    Conclusion

    The Role of Mother in Household

    The role of mothers in the household are as wife, mother, household manager and primary educator. In his role as a wife accompanying her husband, a wife should be able to be friend and life partner when her husband had problem and at that time a wife can be consulted about the problems facing her husband. When her husband faced difficult problems both in imployment, business and other problem, a wife can be appear as a helper or even as a wise advisor so a wife can be give motivation and encouragement to her husband and this would support the husband’s career.

    The role of women in the figure of a mother has created a new life since the first a women a pregnant and gave birth to her baby, then care and meet all the needs of children

    As a household manager, a mother procecuted to be foster families and this requires good planning and professional management. A mother must be make arrangement for all household affairs which can be divided into several divisions: start of the financial affairs, education until manage the family economy. If a mother is able to manage good management so can produce a good quality family.

    The next special task is that mothers are the primary educators for their children. A mother has a duty to educate their children since children still in the womb to udulthood. Education of the mother brought the main influence for the establisment of child minset, education both in terms of spiritual advice to stimulate the development of children. So if education is applied in the family is good, so will get high quality family.

    Conclution:
    The role of mother in household is very important, because the mother role as wife, mother,household manager and primary education, will greatly determine the success of a family and if a mother is able to manage good management so can produce a good quality family.

     
  99. Niatul Chasila(ikip Budi utomo/2101001320175 )

    April 7, 2011 at 15:04

    I am graduate from very excellent school. I have so many reason that supporting my statement about that. First, all of the teacher are best of the best. From their teaching quality. Which I am very proud of that. They always create good condition in the class , Students are easy to understand what their explanation about. second, System in our school is very good. Everything become good if the system is good also. My headmaster always fixs everything which is not good. Both of Teachers and Students must be enjoy and realized that what they done is important for their life, So my Head Master create the best system for our school. Third, the medium in my school is almost perfect. all we need are suitable there. Beginning from the smallest things until the biggest things are good. The last, guaranted graduate, because all of them are accepted in goverment university not only in national but also international level.i think It is amazing. I am so proud of my school. Thanks for teachers and headmaster who have guide me.

    Topic sentence: I am a graduate from very excellent school
    MASS I : All of the teacher are best of the best
    MISS I.I : They always create good condition in the class
    MISS I.II: Students are easy to understand what their explanation about
    MASS II: the system in our school is very good
    MIIS II.I: everything become good if the system is good also
    MIIS II.II: my headmaster always fixs everything which is not good
    MASS III: the medium is almost perfect
    MISS III.I: all we need are suitable there
    MISS III.II:from the smallest things until the biggest things
    MASS IV: guaranted graduate
    MISS IV.I :all of them are accepted in government university
    MISS IV.II: not only in nationl but also in international level

     
    • MGMP BAHASA INGGRIS

      April 10, 2011 at 13:42

      Dear ms. Niat

      Your paragraph has sistematically been developed. It has relevant informations that focus on Topic Sentence. But, it will be better if you check some grammatical features inside your paragraph, such as: “I am graduate from very excellent school.” this sentence should be “I graduate from very excellent school.”. Okay?

       
  100. ainia pertiwi (ikip budi utomo/2101001320117)

    April 6, 2011 at 21:30

    I have two hero in my house. The first is my father. He was very care with all family members. My father gave me a lot of advice, love, and discipline. He is really loved me sincerely without expecting anything. The second is my mother. She was a very gentle loving and care with all family members. She always helped me and care for everything. My father and my mother are everything for me. They are human never forgotten in my life because they are who make my life become complete. So I can learn many things from my father and my mother to become a hero in my life.

    Topic sentence : I have two hero in my house
    Mass 1 : The first is my father
    Miss 1.1 : He was very care with all family members.
    Miss 1.2 : My father gave me a lot of advice, love, and discipline.
    Miss 1.3 : He is really loved me sincerely without expecting anything.
    Mass 2 :The second is my mother.
    Miss 2.1 :She was a very gentle loving and care with all family members.
    Miss 2.2 :She always helped me and care for everything.
    Mass 3 :My father and my mother are everything for me.
    Mass 3.1 :They are human never forgotten in my life because they are who make my life become complete..
    Conclusion : So I can learn many things from my father and my mother to become a hero in my life.

     
    • MGMP BAHASA INGGRIS

      April 10, 2011 at 13:27

      Dear Ms. ainia

      Systematically your paragraph is well-developed. But there are some sentences need to be revised grammatically. such as: “I have two hero in my house”, the word “hero” in the sentence should be “heros”. Try to find it yourself. Ok?

       
  101. rina rachmawati

    April 5, 2011 at 16:46

    THE FAMILY
    I have family, we live at Kepanjen city. My name is Mrs Rachma. I am is housewife. Now I study in Budi Utomo University, I take English department. Mr. Kusmana is my husband. He is a leader at the home. He is a teacher in Elementary school. Najela Anjani blessingme is my old daughter. She is 9th old year in may this year. She is third class on the elementary school. The second, her name is najwa khan blessingme. She is 4th old year in April this year. So, in June next two month later, She will enter to primary school. She is charming child, happily and funny cause she has curly the hair. The youngest daughter, her name is Shebrina Putri blessingme. She has slanting’s eyes and bald’s hair. Sometime, she look like a boy, but when she wears a jilbab she is looked beautiful. Praise be to Allah, My family is a highest property in my life and I hope in whole my life God bestow us and always life in sakinah, mawaddah wa rahmah. Amen.
    Topic sentence : I have family, we live at Kepanjen city
    1.Mass 1 : My name is Mrs Rachma.
    Miss 1 .1 : I am is housewife .
    Miss 1.2 : Now I study in Budi Utomo University, I take English department.
    2.Mass 2 : Mr. Kusmana is my husband.
    Miss 2.1 : He is a leader at the home.
    Miss 2.2 : He is a teacher in Elementary school.
    3.Mass 3 : Najela Anjani blessingme is my old daughter.
    Miss 3.1 : She is 9th old year in may this year.
    Miss 3.2 : She is third class on the elementary school.
    4.Mass 4 : The second, her name is najwa khan blessingme.
    Miss 4.1 : She is 4th old year in April this year.
    Miss 4.2 : So, in June next two month later, She will enter to primary school.
    Miss 4.3 : She is charming child, happily and funny cause she has curly the hair.
    5.Mass 5 : The youngest daughter, her name is Shebrina Putri blessingme.
    Miss 5.1 : She has slanting’s eyes and bald’s hair.
    Miss 5.2 : Sometime, she look like a boy, but when she wears a jilbab she is looked beautiful.
    The Conclusion : Praise be to Allah, My family is a highest property in my life and I hope in whole my life God bestow us and always life in sakinah, mawaddah wa rahmah. Amen.
    Name : Rina Rachmawati (2101001320045)
    Departement : English non Regular
    University : IKIP Budi Utomo Malang

     
    • MGMP BAHASA INGGRIS

      April 10, 2011 at 13:16

      Dear Mrs. Rachma

      Correction:
      1. That”s gonna be good Topic Sentence, but it hasn’t had the attitude yet. You need to revise it to make it more interesting.
      2. See sentence 3; “I am is housewife.”, I think it should be fixed grammatically.
      3. See sentence 6;”He is a leader at the home” you can omit the word “the” in this sentence.
      4. More sentences need to be revised: a)She is 9th old year in may this year. b).She is third class on the elementary school. c)but when she wears a jilbab she is looked beautiful.

      I’m sure you can make it better.

       
  102. Floentina Analia Sari

    April 5, 2011 at 15:40

    exercise3
    a.I think the paragraph (A) is complete because it is told from the beginning to the end of the destination Bernad sister studying in europe.

    b.The second paragraph also disconnected because from the beginning to the end of a paragraph explaining how to get good results for images

    c.The third paragraph is not disconnected due to talk about a holiday in Sumatra, he said that they lived in the forest, but in a hotel whose name the forest where there is a house let alone the hotel ..

    assignment 3:
    a month ago I spent my vacation trip in i sumatera.firstly already travel day on Lake Maninjau near field. i swim in the lake, eating fish from the lake and the cool breeze anjoyed. from there I have a two-hour trip to Bukit Tinggi a city on a small hill that brings you some spectacular countryside with coffee. Sam plantations.from cloves and I went there a bus to the hill jurney mace. The home of the WWF Forest Rehabilitation center. We live in a very charming hutandan set up camp without water and electricity we bathe in the river and dinner under kerosene lamp.but enough beautiful scenery to see the giant creatures that come together in a tree swing. jungli surrounding living with gibbons.than mongkeys and we went to Lake Toba last samosir.the Island to enjoy the beach, I had the same journey in borneo.there some funny website that I can enjoy and seek new adventures. what a great experience

     
  103. mia karuniasih english A2

    April 5, 2011 at 12:54

    exercise 3:
    a . in this paragraph the sentences is not developed because in the sentence that he can speak some international language but is not mention the language that he mastered .

    b. the paragraph is coherent or relevant so i think it no need reparation.

    c. in this paragraph specially in the first sentence using subject “I” but in the midparagraph using subject “WE”.

    ………………………………………….
    assignment 3 :
    a.Her younger brother; Bernard, who has studied in Europe for many years, speaks some international languages fluently. among them dutch ,german , franch , spain ,russia .German is one of the languages that Bernard has mastered really well; he can speak and also write it practically as well as Germans do. Because of his language ability, Bernard is considered as a young polyglot.

    c.A month ago I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. I stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. I bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons. Then I went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. The last, I had the same trips in Borneo. There were some amusing sites that I could enjoy and seek new adventures. What a great experience!

     
  104. moh.abbad english A2

    April 5, 2011 at 12:40

    exercise 3:
    a. i think in (a) is not complete paragraph because this paragraph explained some international languge but in this paragraph it is just one language is german.

    b. according to my point of view it is relevant because sentence by sentence is developed so this paragraph in (b) is perfect paragraph yiach ….there is not comment from me .

    c. in this paragraph (c) incorrect paragraph because of using subject pronoun is not consistent for example : “I” becomes “we” and i found one of those paragraph is not relevant in plot of paragraph .for example : the condition is frighten and then in another paragraph told me enjoying .

    …………………………………….
    assignment 3:
    a. Her younger brother; Bernard, who has studied in Europe for many years, speaks some international languages fluently.they are franch , spain , dutch , russia , one of them is German language that Bernard has mastered really well; he can speak and also write it practically as well as Germans do. Because of his language ability, Bernard is considered as a young polyglot.

    c.A month ago I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. I stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. I bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons. Then I went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. The last, I had the same trips in Borneo. There were some amusing sites that I could enjoy and seek new adventures. What a great experience!

     
  105. Sabdi

    April 5, 2011 at 12:39

    exercise 3:
    a. i think in (a) is not complete paragraph because this paragraph explained some international languge but in this paragraph it is just one language is german.

    b. according to my point of view it is relevant because sentence by sentence is developed so this paragraph in (b) is perfect paragraph yiach ….there is not comment from me .

    c. in this paragraph (c) incorrect paragraph because of using subject pronoun is not consistent for example : “I” becomes “we” and i found one of those paragraph is not relevant in plot of paragraph .for example : the condition is frighten and then in another paragraph told me enjoying .

    …………………………………….
    assignment 3:
    a. Her younger brother; Bernard, who has studied in Europe for many years, speaks some international languages fluently.they are franch , spain , dutch , russia , one of them is German language that Bernard has mastered really well; he can speak and also write it practically as well as Germans do. Because of his language ability, Bernard is considered as a young polyglot.

    c.A month ago I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. I stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. I bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons. Then I went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. The last, I had the same trips in Borneo. There were some amusing sites that I could enjoy and seek new adventures. What a great experience!

     
  106. Sabdi

    April 5, 2011 at 12:25

    exercie 3 :
    a .i think this sentences not developed because it is not clear as you know that in the sentences bernard knew international english well but not clear where he was learning and what subject did he take .

    b. in this paragraph i think has developed because the explanation was very clear .

    c. i think in this paragraph not relevant because in the first paragraph the subject using ” I” but if i saw in the midparagraph i found out the subject using “we”.
    ………………………………………………….
    assignment 3
    a) a. Her younger brother; Bernard, who has studied in Europe for many years mastered in international language ,he can speaks some international languages fluently. German is one of the languages that Bernard has mastered really well; he can speak and also write it practically as well as Germans do. Because of his language ability, Bernard is considered as a young polyglot .

    c).A month ago I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. I stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. I bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons. Then I went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. The last, I had the same trips in Borneo. There were some amusing sites that I could enjoy and seek new adventures. What a great experience!

     
  107. ayyi wiji saputri

    April 4, 2011 at 23:02

    exercise:

    a. I think the phrase ” Her younger brother” unnecessary because the sentence does not blend at all with the next sentence, p in the preceding paragraph does not tell the older brother but bernard itself.

    b. This paragraph fully explain. So it clear nothing that must be correct and revise.

    c. i think the phrase ”We stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. We bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons ” very well suited to the content of these paragraphs tells parangraf tersebut. because on tour suddenly why egala stay in the forest, it is not disconnected once.

    assigment:

    a. bernard is a student who has been studying at a university in Europe for many years. he speaks some international languages fluently. German is one of the languages that Bernard has mastered really well; he can speak and also write it practically as well as Germans do. Because of his language ability, Bernard is considered as a young polyglot.

    b. This paragraph fully explain. So it clear nothing that must be correct and revise.

    c. beautiful and amazing. last I visited some other famous places in sumatra.dan finally after I came home with a memorable travel experience and destination that is very enjoyable.

     
  108. matius loba dowa english A2

    April 4, 2011 at 14:36

    Exercise 3
    ………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
    This is my Elaborate Opinion;
    a. All sentences in this paragraph are relevant. But there is one sentence that maybe explains. Bernard, who had studied in Europe for many years, speaks some international languages fluently. After this sentence ought to explain what languages that he speaks not just Germans.

    The revise of this paragraph;
    Her younger brother; Bernard, who has studied in Europe for many years, speaks some international languages fluently. Like Mandarin, Arabian, German and etc. German is one of the languages that Bernard has mastered really well; he can speak and also write it practically as well as Germans do. Because of his language ability, Bernard is considered as a young polyglot.

    b. I think there is one sentence that irrelevant, but so far is thoroughly developed. The sentence is “ Do not forget to check that you have turned the dial speed to be same as the film speed written on the film box, for instance, ISO/din 21.”

    c. In this paragraph there is sentence that not relevant and connected with others sentence. And the revise should be like this I think:
    A month ago I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. Then we went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. The last, I had the same trips in Borneo. There were some amusing sites that I could enjoy and seek new adventures. What a great experience!

     
  109. apliana malo english 3

    April 4, 2011 at 14:32

    this is my comment of opinion
    exercise 3:
    a. from the paragraph bernard studied to europe without statement in process of learning suddely has mastered in international languge while never clear place where he studied and how the process of learning .

    b. from the graph according to my opinion has clear because in the graph has explained that how to take a picture is right and the explanation of the sentences is right .

    c. from the graph according to my opinion in the graph is never clear coz in the explanation of the sentences is not right coz in the graph said that the word “i” but not word “we”

    assigment 3:
    a.Her younger brother; Bernard, who has studied in Europe for many years. and he can speaks some international languages fluently. German is one of the languages that Bernard has mastered in languges really well and also he can speaks and write it practically as well as Germans do. Because of his language ability, Bernard is considered as a young polyglot.(these paragraph has been revised).

    c.A month ago I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. i stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. i bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons. Then i went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. The last, I had the same trips in Borneo. There were some amusing sites that I could enjoy and seek new adventures. What a great experience! (these paragraph has been revised)

     
  110. apliana malo english A

    April 4, 2011 at 14:18

    below is my comments or opinion of :
    exercise 3:
    a. from the paragraph according to my point of view in the text that bernard studied to europe without clear statement in process of learning he mastered in international language while never clear about the place of learn and how the process of learning .

    b.from the paragraph according to my opinion is clear because in the paragraph has explained that the way how to take a photos is right and the explanation has complete.

    c. from the paragraph is never clear coz in the explanation of the sentences is not right . in cycle said that word “i ” but not word “we”.

    ……………………………………………………………………………………………….

    assigment :

    below is the revision of the text .

    a.Her younger brother; Bernard, who has studied in Europe for many years. and he can speaks some international languages fluently. German is one of the languages that Bernard has mastered in languges really well and also he can speaks and write it practically as well as Germans do. Because of his language ability, Bernard is considered as a young polyglot.(these paragraph has been revised).

    c.) A month ago I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. i stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. i bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons. Then i went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. The last, I had the same trips in Borneo. There were some amusing sites that I could enjoy and seek new adventures. What a great experience! (these paragraph has been revised)

     
  111. IVA OKTA RAHAYU

    April 4, 2011 at 11:14

    Exercise 3 n Assignment 3:
    a. less clear, there are many words that need to be added and should be revised so that the paragraph is right and the intent of the paragraph itself can be understood.
    Revised: a. Bernard is the brother of iin. Bernard has studied in Europe for many years, she can speak several languages ​​fluently international. German is one of the languages ​​he had mastered it well, he can speak and write the language and German as well as doing practical. Due to language ability, Bernard regarded as a young polyglot.
    b. This sentence is continuous, relevant .. I feel I have no need to be corrected. Logo already I think is right, so it does not need to be changed again .. hahahahaaaa …
    c. This sentence still requires a few words to clarify the content of the paragraph .. need some words that make sentences beginning and end of each continuous ..
    Revision: c. A month ago I spent my vacation in Sumatra. The first trip took 2 days in Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, eating fish from the lake and enjoy the cool breeze. After the lake Maninjau I resumed my journey to Bukit Tinggi, a town on a small hill that takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee plantations, clove and cinnamon plantation. From there I went to Bukit Lawang with a bus ride, Mount Lawang there is a house of WWF Latter-utan Rehabilitation Centre. We stayed in a “hotel” very charming without water and electricity are located dsebuah forest. We bathe in the river and dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, that’s not enough for the beautiful scenery to see the giant creatures that come together in a tree swing. Surrounding forest alive with monkeys and gibbons. Then we went to Lake Toba Samosir Island to enjoy the beach. Lastly, I have the same trip in Borneo. There are some funny websites that I can enjoy and seek new adventures. What a great experience!

     
  112. ENI

    April 3, 2011 at 20:50

    Exercise3

    a). according to my opinion, this paragraph didn’t developed thoroughly. because there is text cause the paragraph become unclear and unarranged well. we need point up ” spesk some international languages fluently” because the text unconnect with other sentences. we can revise the pragraph become:

    Her young brother, Bernad, who has studied in Europe for many years. Germans is one of language that Bernad has mastered really well; he can speaks and also wraites it practically as well as Germans do. because of his language ability, Bernad is considered as young polygot. we can imitate him and become her as our inspiration.

    b). according to my opinion this paragraph didn’t developed thoroughly. specially for this sentence : ” do not forget to check that you have turned thedial speed to be same as the film as speed wraitten on the film box, for instance, ISO 100/din 21.” is irrelevent, so we need to point up these sentences. this sentence is can not support these paragraph.

    we need revision the paragraph become:
    to take picture sucessfully using a manual, single reflex lens (SRL) camera requires accuracy. before shooting, you need to make certain that you have focussed on the subject. be sure, too, that you have set the light meter carefully to obtain exposure. and when you press the release button, make sure that you hold your canmera firmly; ypu must avoid shaking the camera. if you follow the above steps, you desarve beautiful, satisfactory picture. you must practice the steps, and you will never bad when take a picture.

    c). according to my opinion, we need to point up this sentence ” the last, i had the same trips in Borneo ” is irrelevent. it doesn’t give important developing information for these paragraph. because it text is unconnet with the paragraph. the paragraph teel about go to Sumatera not go to Borneo.

    i revise the paragraph become:
    A mont ago i spent my vacation trips in Sumatera, firstly i had 2 day trip at lake Maninjau near Padang. i swam in the lake, ate fish from there lake and enjoyed the cool breeze. from there i had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a swahill top town which take you to spectaculer countruside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations, than we went to lake toba enjoying the beach of samosir island.there were some amusing sites that i could enjoy and seek new adventure, what a great experiance. i never forget about my amusing experiance.

    i’m new in this class sir, i’m change my field of study from biology to english….
    so i apologize if i do my duty not thoroghly……

     
  113. Retno Dewi Puji Utami / English A

    April 3, 2011 at 20:35

    Paragraph Unity

    a. This paragraph doesn’t develop because at the last sentence isn’t coherent with the
    before sentence.

    b. This paragraph is develop because the first sentence until the last sentence is
    coherent. In this paragraph can give information about to take pictures successfully
    using manual.

    c. This paragraph doesn’t develop because at the last sentence isn’t coherent with the
    before sentence. The before sentence told about some place recreation in Sumatra
    but in the last sentence told about Borneo.

    Assignment 3

    a. Her younger brother, Bernard, who has syudied in Europe for many years, speaks
    some international languages fluently. German is one of the languages that Bernard
    has mastered really well; he can speak and also write it practically as well as Germans
    do. Because of his languages ability, Bernard is considered as a young guide who’s
    smart. Because being a guide need better languages ability and writing well. He’s a
    genius.

    c. A month ago, I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate ish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectaculer countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehailitation Centre. We stayed in the the jungle in a very charming “hotel” no running water and electricity. We bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons. The last, we went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. In there, I enjoyed the beautiful scenery and feeling cold. I can remember it. What a great experience!!.

     
  114. Retno Dewi Puji Utami / English A

    April 3, 2011 at 20:33

    Paragraph Unity

    a. This paragraph doesn’t develop because at the last sentence isn’t coherent with the
    before sentence.

    b. This paragraph is develop because the first sentence until the last sentence is
    coherent. In this paragraph can give information about to take pictures successfully
    using manual.

    c. This paragraph doesn’t develop because at the last sentence isn’t coherent with the
    before sentence. The before sentence told about some place recreation in Sumatra
    but in the last sentence told about Borneo.

    Assignment 3

    a. Her younger brother, Bernard, who has syudied in Europe for many years, speaks
    some international languages fluently. German is one of the languages that Bernard
    has mastered really well; he can speak and also write it practically as well as Germans
    do. Because of his languages ability, Bernard is considered as a young guide who’s
    smart. Because being a guide need better languages ability and writing well. He’s a
    genius.

    c. A month ago, I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate ish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectaculer countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. We stayed in the the jungle in a very charming “hotel” no running water and electricity. We bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons. The last, we went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. In there, I enjoyed the beautiful scenery and feeling cold. I can remember it. What a great experience!!.

     
  115. FRISKA YUNIARSIH

    April 3, 2011 at 20:29

    WRITING

    a. of these paragraphs is not true so i will develop as lile that:

    Her younger brother,his name bernard,he has studied in europe for many years,he speaks some international language fluenty.Germand is one the of the languages bernard, he has mastered really well,he can speaks and also writes and practically as well as Germand do.Because of his language ability,he is also considered as a young polyglot.

    b. if my mind these paragraphs is relevant with the supporting sentence

    c. these paragraphs is not relevant,my revaise should be like this:

    A month ago i spent my vacation trips in sumatra.First i had 2 days trips at lake maninjau
    near padang.I swam in the lake,ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes from there i had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi,a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffe,clove cinnamon plantions.Then we went to lake toba enjoying the beach of Samosir island.The last,i had the same trips in Borneo.There are were some amusing sites that i could enjoy and seek new adventures and you will stay endure because in Borneo the exspecially(West Borneo) have favorite food and if you feel once you will prepare again,the name of food is BUBUR PEDAS!!!!!What is the great exsperience!

     
  116. Retno Dewi Puji Utami / English A

    April 3, 2011 at 19:38

    Paragraph Unity

    a. This paragraph doesn’t develop because at the last sentence isn’t coherent with the
    before sentence.

    b. This paragraph is develop because the first sentence until the last sentence is
    coherent. In this paragraph can give information about to take pictures successfully
    using manual.

    c. This paragraph doesn’t develop because at the last sentence isn’t coherent with the
    before sentence. The before sentence told about some place recreation in Sumatra
    but in the last sentence told about Borneo.

    Assignment 3

    a. Her younger brother, Bernard, who has syudied in Europe for many years, speaks
    some international languages fluently. German is one of the languages that Bernard
    has mastered really well; he can speak and also write it practically as well as Germans
    do. Because of his languages ability, Bernard is considered as a young guide who’s
    smart. Because being a guide need better languages ability and writing well. He’s a
    genius.

    c. A month ago, I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake
    Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate ish from the lake and enjoyed the cool
    breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town
    which takes you to some spectaculer countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon
    plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF
    Orang-Utan Rehailitation Centre. We stayed in the the jungle in a very charming
    “hotel” no running water and electricity. We bathed in the river and had dinner
    under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant
    creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with
    monkeys and gibbons. The last, we went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau
    Samosir. In there, I enjoyed the beautiful scenery and feeling cold. I can remember
    it. What a great experience!!.

     
  117. amor ervian putra

    April 3, 2011 at 19:11

    exercise 3: a > this paragraph doesn’t fully explain what it must explain ( topic sentence: bernard speaks some international languages fluently)
    c >”the last, ihad the same trips in borneo.” is irrelevant.

    assignment 3: a >Ellie’s younger brother; Bernard, who has studied in Europe for many years, speaks some international languages fluently. German is one of the languages that Bernard has mastered really well; he can speak and also write it practically as well as Germans do. Spanish is not a problem for him, he is able to speak as well as spaniard do. French is his favourite language; he loves French’s poetry very much. He could also speak Dutch fluently, as well as Dutch do. Because of his language ability, Bernard is considered as a young polyglot
    c >A month ago I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. We stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. We bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons. The last, we went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. Thoose were some amusing sites that I could enjoy and seek new adventures. What a great experience!

     
  118. inggrit wahyu putri

    April 3, 2011 at 17:05

    paragraph 1.
    I think, the paragraph is not complete. Because the main idea in the sentence contained the words are not right. However, for suporting idea, already has a coherence.

    My younger brother; Bernard, who has studied in Europe for many years, speaks some international languages fluently. German is one of the languages that Bernard has mastered really well; he can speak and also write it practically as well as Germans do. Because of his language ability, Bernard is considered as a young polyglot.(these paragraph has been revised)

    paragraph 2.
    This paragraph was perfect. Because it has a coherence between sentences to one another. Main idea and conclusion are related.

    paragraph 3.
    in these paragraphs still lacks coherence. There are still awkward and not regular sentence structure. there is a sentence that should be removed, such as “The last, I had the same trips in Borneo. ”
    A month ago I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly, I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. Second, I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. Third, I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. We stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. We bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons. The last, we went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. There were some amusing sites that I could enjoy and seek new adventures. What a great experience!
    (these paragraph has been revised)

     
  119. ARIN KUSMIDAH (A 1)

    April 3, 2011 at 12:30

    a. I think it is revelan paragraph but there is one sentence that should be added to paragraphs that can be thoroughly developed.

    Elaborate opinion :
    The paragraph explain that Bernard has studied in Europe for many years and he can speaks some international language fluently. but in this paragraph only explain that Bernard can speaks German.

    The revise of the paragraph is :
    Her younger brother; Bernard, who has studied in Europe for many years. and he can speaks some international languages fluently. Like English, Mandarin Arabic, German, etc. German is one of the languages that Bernard has mastered in languages really well and also he can speaks and write it practically as well as Germans do. Because of his language ability, Bernard is considered as a young polyglot.

    b. The paragraph is thoroughly developed because the topic sentence and the supporting sentences are relevant.

    c. The paragraph is not relevant because there are some of the supporting sentence that is not coherent with the topic sentence.

    The revise of the paragraph is :
    A month ago I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. Then we went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. The last, I had the same trips in Borneo. There were some amusing sites that I could enjoy and seek new adventures. What a great experience!

     
  120. maria susanty

    April 3, 2011 at 11:19

    1. i think on the paragraph are relevant, but there is one sentence not clear to explain about all which must to explain. Especially not explain who is the sister from Bernad.
    and the revise of this paragraph;
    Janie, has younger brother, his name Bernad.he studied in Europe for many years and speaks some international languages fluently. such as Spanish, Arabian, mandarin, and English. From all languages which he like and mastered really well. He can speak and understand about all, especially from the German language. Because Bernad has language ability, he is considered as a young polyglot.
    2. This paragraph is good and already explain about all. The paragraph is developed well.

    3.This paragraph not developed because not coherence sentences and not relevant.

     
  121. kholilur rohman

    April 3, 2011 at 10:58

    Exercise 3

    a. This paragraph is still not perfect, much remains to be developed because there is no coherence sentence from one paragraph to another

    b. This paragraph is relevant, because of interrelated

    c. there are many words that make confused and need extra few words to clarify

    Assignment 3

    a. he is the youngest brother, whose name was bernard. He went to Europe for many years. He can speak fluently international. German language is one of the languages ​​bernand which he mastered well. he can talk and also to write it practical as well as Germany did. Due to language ability, Bernard regarded as a young polyglot.

    c. Last month I spent my vacation trip in Sumatra. I went to sumatra with pesawat.Pertama that I visit is the lake maninjau.perjalanan I traveled for 2 days from airport. Location of Lake Maninjau are not far from the town padang (north sumatra). after arriving there, I swam in the lake, eating fish from the lake and enjoy the cool breeze. From the lake I go again during the two-hour trip to Bukit Tinggi, a town on a small hill that takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee plantations, clove and cinnamon plantation. After From there I went to Bukit Lawang. I went there by bus. There are houses from the WWF Latter-utan Rehabilitation Centre. We stayed there, more precisely in the woods. And in the forest there is a “hotel”, a very charming hotel with no water and electricity. We bathe in the river and dinner under a kerosene lamp. But there was not enough there are also beautiful views. There is a place that used to see the giant creatures that come together swinging on the tree. Forest surrounding the living monkeys and gibbons. After that, we went to Lake Toba Samosir Island to enjoy the beach. Lastly, I have the same trip in Borneo. There are some funny websites that I can enjoy and seek new adventures. What a great experience!

     
  122. FITRIA AGUSTIN

    April 2, 2011 at 21:04

    FITRIA AGUSTIN
    2101001320105
    B.INGGRIS 2010 NR
    My family is everything for me. My parents have two daughters, me and my sister. My sister was married, and now she lives with her family. Her husband is my brother in law, and now I have a cousin. Even though me, I was married to and I am live with my husband and my son. My daily activities are house keeping such as washing, swipe etc. and my son activities are, he go to school every day and also play with his friends. if there is no my family my life so empty.

    Topic sentence : my family is everything for me
    S attitude
    MaSS I : my sister live with her family
    MiSS I.I : brother in law
    MiSS I.2 : my cousin
    MaSS 2 : I was married to and I am live
    MiSS 2.I : my husband
    MiSS 2.2 : my son
    MaSS 3 : my daily activity
    MiSS 3.I : house keeping
    3.I.I : washing
    3.I.2 : swipe
    MaSS 4 : my son activity
    MiSS 4.I : go to school
    MiSS 4.2 : play with his
    Conclusion : if there is no my family mf life so empty

     
    • MGMP BAHASA INGGRIS

      April 10, 2011 at 13:04

      Dear Ms Fitria.

      Topic sentence : my family is everything for me
      MaSS I : my sister live with her family
      MiSS I.I : brother in law
      MiSS I.2 : my cousin
      MaSS 2 : I was married and I live with my own family
      MiSS 2.I : my husband
      MiSS 2.2 : my son
      MaSS 3 : my daily activities
      MiSS 3.I : house keeping
      3.I.I : washing
      3.I.2 : swipe
      MaSS 4 : my son’s activities
      MiSS 4.I : go to school
      MiSS 4.2 : play with his friends
      Conclusion my life so meaningless, without my family.

      See sentence line 2 “Her husband is my brother in law”. it’s not needed to put, everybody has known that “the husband of our sister” or somebody who marries our sibling is our brother/sister in law. So you can omit this sentence. OK?

       
  123. Norhani class A-2

    April 2, 2011 at 18:07

    Exercise 3
    Part A. According to my opinion this paragraph just explain Bernard ability speak german .while topic sentence explain bernard ability speak more language.so,topic sentence with supporting sentence irrelevant.
    part B. According to my opinion this paragraph developed thoroughly because topic sentence relevant with supporting sentence.
    part C. According to my opinion this paragraph doesn’t developed thoroughly because in topic sentence writer explain vacation trip in sumatra,but in the last sentence writer explain about vacation trip in borneo.so,this paragraph doesn’t relevant

    Assignment 3

    a.Her younger brother: bernard who is has studied in europe for many years,speak some international language fluently. german is one of the language that bernard has mastered really well.can speak and also write it practically as well as german do.bernard also can speak netherland language fluently.because of his language abilty,bernard is considered as a young polyglot.

    c.A month ago i spent my vacation trip in sumatra.firstly i had two days trip at lake maninjau near padang.i swam in the lake,ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes.from there i had a two hours trip to bukit tinggi,a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with cofee,clove and cinnamon plantations.from there i went a bus journey to bukit lawang,home of the WWF Orang utan rehabilitation centre.we stayed in the jungle in a very charming”hotel”with no running water and electricity.we bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp.but,it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swiming along on trees.the surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons.then went to lake toba enjoying the beach of pulau samosir.the last i had the some trip visited minangkabau traditional house in sumatra.there were some amusing sites that i could enjoy and seek new adventures.what a great experience!

     
  124. Leni class A-2

    April 2, 2011 at 10:35

    Exercise 3
    a.According to my opinion these paragraph didn’t developed thoroughly because in the topic sentence explained that he(Bernard) speak some international language fluently,but in the supporting sentence just explain about his ability in german language
    (it doesn’t fully explain what it must explain).
    as a result,there is irrelevant between topic sentence with supporting sentence.
    ought to,these paragraph must revised with add sentence supporting topic sentence.
    b.According to my opinion these paragraph developed thoroughly because topic sentence relevant with supporting sentence.
    there have attitude topic sentence,body,and also conclusion.beside it each sentence unified well.
    c.According to my opinion these paragraph didn’t developed thoroughly.there is irrelevant between topic sentence with supporting sentence.In this paragraph that is on eleven sentence explain about writer vacation trip in Borneo.whereas,topic sentence on the first sentence explain about writer vacation trip in Sumatra.there paragraph unified irrelevant.ought to supporting sentence foccused explain about writer vacation trip in Sumatra,doesn’t deviate from topic sentence.

    Assignment 3
    a.Her younger brother:Bernard,who has studied in Europe for many years,speak some international language fluently.German is one of the language that Bernard has mastered really well,he can speak and also write it practically as well as German do.Another language that Bernard has mastered is France language,the other language language as well as English,Japanese, etc.Because of his language ability,Bernard is considered as a young polygot.

    c.A month ago i spent my vacation trip in Sumatra.Firstly i had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang.I swam in the lake,ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes.From there i had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi,a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with cofee,clove and cinnamon plantation.From there i went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang utan Rehabilitation Centre.We stayed in the jungle in a very charming”hotel”with no running water and electricity.We bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp.But,it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees.The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons.Thene went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir.The last,i spend my vacation trip visited many site wonderful sight as like M inangkabau traditional house,famous museum there,and others place interesting to visited in S umatra island.There were some amusing sites that i could enjoy and seek new adventures.What a great experience!

    09

     
  125. Monika Lara

    April 2, 2011 at 10:28

    This is My opinion
    A. According my opinion this paragraph does not developed thoroughly the first explained that Bernard can some Europe language but supporting sentence just explain that Bernard has ability topic sentence doesn’t developed well. so this paragraph irrelevant.

    B. According to my opinion topic sentence relevant with supporting sentence.

    C. according to my opinion this paragraph doesn’t developed thoroughly in the topic sentence explain that vacation trip in Sumatra but in the last sentence writer explain that in the same time do trip in Borneo.
    So, this paragraph irrelevant between Topic sentence and supporting sentence.

    Assignment 3
    A. Her younger brother; Bernard, who has studied in Europe for many years, speaks some international languages fluently. German is one of the language that Bernard has mastered really well; he can speak and also write it practically as well as Germans do. He also can practically English language well. because of his language ability, Bernard is considered as a Young polyglot.

    C. A month ago i spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. firstly i had 2 days trip at lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the coll breezes. from there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. from there I went a bus journey to bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-utan Rehabilitation Center. we stayed in the jungle in very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. we bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. but, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. the surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons, then we went to lake toba enjoying the beach of pulau samosir. the last, I had the same trip visited famous restaurant padang there were some amusing sites that i could enjoy and seek new adventures. what a great experience!

     
  126. Anis Musthorikah

    April 2, 2011 at 07:41

    1. This paragraph does not fully explain what it must explain. If the Topic Sentence states that Bernard speaks some international languages, the paragraph has to inform the some language. If not the readers will not be satisfied. Because they still expect to be told the choices which the Topic Sentence promises.

    “Yesterday shanti’s younger brother come from Indonesia. Her younger brother the name Bernard. He has studied in Europe for many years about International Languages and because he always study hard about this, now he can speak some international languages fluently. He can speaks Spanish, german, and indonesia. He enjoy with German language, he graduate with good talent. He has mastered about German but not just it he also can write in German as well as Germans do. Because of his language ability, bernard is considered as a young polyglot in his university”.

    2. This paragraph fully explain. So it clear nothing that must be corect and revisi.

    3. This paragraph not relevan and not clear, there explain about vacation about 2 hour but too short.

    “ And It my experience a month ago in Sumatra. Firstly, I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. We stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. We bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons”. The last, we went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. What a great experience!

     
  127. Anis Musthorikah

    April 2, 2011 at 07:28

    1.This paragraph does not fully explain what it must explain. If the Topic Sentence states that Bernard speaks some international languages, the paragraph has to inform the five choices. If not the readers will not be satisfied. Because they still expect to be told the choices which the Topic Sentence promises.
    “Yesterday shanti’s younger brother come from Indonesia. His name Bernard. He has studied in Europe for many years about International Languages and because he always study hard about this, now he can speak some international languages fluently. He can speaks Spanish, Dutch, german, and indonesian. He enjoy with German language, He has mastered about German but not just it he also can write in German as well as Germans do. Because of his language ability, bernard is considered as a young polyglot in his university”.

    2. This paragraph fully explain. So it clear nothing that must be correct and revise.

    3. This paragraph not relevan and not clear, there explain about vacation about 2 hour but too short.

    “ And It my experience a month ago in Sumatra. Firstly, I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. We stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. We bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons”. The last, we went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. What a great experience!

     
  128. Mentari Sulistyaningsih

    April 2, 2011 at 07:02

    Exercise 3
    This is my Elaborate Opinion;
    a. All sentences in this paragraph are relevant. But there is one sentence that maybe explains. Bernard, who had studied in Europe for many years, speaks some international languages fluently. After this sentence ought to explain what languages that he speaks not just Germans.
    The revise of this paragraph;
    Her younger brother; Bernard, who has studied in Europe for many years, speaks some international languages fluently. Like Mandarin, Arabian, German and etc. German is one of the languages that Bernard has mastered really well; he can speak and also write it practically as well as Germans do. Because of his language ability, Bernard is considered as a young polyglot.

    b. I think there is one sentence that irrelevant, but so far is thoroughly developed. The sentence is “ Do not forget to check that you have turned the dial speed to be same as the film speed written on the film box, for instance, ISO/din 21.”

    c. In this paragraph there is sentence that not relevant and connected with others sentence. And the revise should be like this I think:
    A month ago I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. Then we went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. The last, I had the same trips in Borneo. There were some amusing sites that I could enjoy and seek new adventures. What a great experience!

     
  129. Maria Maryuni Wonga

    April 2, 2011 at 06:56

    a. I think this paragaf not be developed because we do not know, whether bernard who have for years lived in Europe for German language course or not.

    b. This paragraph does not Dapa developed because of this sentence can not understand or illogical (not relevant)

    c. paragraphs can not be developed, because the sentence and the plot does not irregular. although the story interesting.for example at the end of the paragraph, the sentence does not interplay with the other sentence.

     
  130. Ali Basri

    April 2, 2011 at 06:37

    c. c. A month ago I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. We stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. We bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons. Then we went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. The last, I had the same trips in Borneo. There were some amusing sites that I could enjoy and seek new adventures. What a great experience!

    Advanced tasks paragraph unity at point C, which was sent on 1 April 2011.

    I will revise the paragraph at point C.

    A month ago I spent a holiday in sumatra. First, I walk in the desert near Lake Maninjau. I swam in the lake, feeding the fish in there and enjoy the cool air. after that, I walked toward the high hill for two hours is a small city on a hill that took me to the countryside which is rich in nature, such as coffee, cloves and cinnamon plantation. after that I continue my journey took a bus up the hill Lawang, home of the WWF orang-utan rehabilitation center. We live in a house located in the forest a very charming even without water and electricity. Our bath d river and dinner under the kerosene lamp. but, beautiful scenery to see orang-utans who came swinging on trees and not only the orang-utans that live around it, there are also other animals such as monkeys and gibbons. after that, I continue my journey to Lake Toba and enjoy the beaches of the island simosir. and also, I have the same experience when my holiday vacation in Borneo. there are some funny and unique places I have ever visited and can not be forgotten. What a great experience you?

     
  131. Rino Ade Waluvi

    April 2, 2011 at 06:33

    ====== WRITING ASSIGNMENT =======

    Paragraph part A
    According to me, paragraph part A is not relevant, I have reason about it :
    There is a word “her” but in there, not explain “who is the sister of Bernard”
    This is my result of revision for paragraph part A :
    Karen has the younger brother, his names is Bernard. He has studied in Europe for many years about International Languages and because he always study hard about this, now he can speak some international languages fluently. One of the languages which can him speaks is German. He has mastered about German but not just it he also can write in German as well as Germans do, because of them, he is considered as a young polyglot in his university.

    Paragraph part B
    In paragpraph part B, this paragraph part B was enough for readers to understand what aim of paragraph part B.

    Paragraph part C
    For paragraph part C. to make simply paragraph, we can delete one sentence, it is about story of Borneo. This is my revision for part C :
    I have story about my vacation a month ago in Sumatra. Firstly, I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. We stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. We bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons. The last, we went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. What a great experience!

     
  132. Margareta Rini Nazarius

    April 2, 2011 at 05:47

    A. I think this paragraph, can not expand because we do not yet know whether Bernard actually learn or not in Germany.

    B. because each of the shots must be accurate, correct, and clearly so that we can enjoy the picture.

    C. This paragraph can be developed and understood by each of these paragraphs could be observed for the reader itself.

     
  133. Maria Maryuni Wonga

    April 2, 2011 at 05:32

    A. I think this paragraph can not be developed. because we do not know whether bernard who had for years in Europe to attend German language course or not.

    B. This paragraph can not be developed, because the sentence can not understand or are not logical.

    C. This paragraph can be developed carefully. because logical sentences interesting to readers.

     
  134. Sendi Hardiyanti

    April 2, 2011 at 04:29

    Exercise 3 :
    a) This paragraph thoroughly developed because the mutual support the main sentence. So that, we get information about the success Bernard.
    b) This paragraph thoroughly developed because focus and direct the reader to understand what is meant by the author of the story.
    c) This paragraph not thoroughly developed because because there is no coherence sentences with other sentences that need to be modified to obtain a relevant and coherent paragraphs.

    Assignment 3 :
    I will change the paragraph above is in accordance with my opinion :

    A month ago I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. Then I went on a trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantation. Had a two hours from Lake Maninjau. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. I stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. I bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons. Then I went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. The last, I had the same trips in Borneo. There were some amusing sites that I could enjoy and seek new adventures. What a great experience!

     
  135. Anis Musthorikah

    April 2, 2011 at 03:32

    1.This paragraph does not fully explain what it must explain. If the Topic Sentence states that Bernard speaks some international languages, the paragraph has to inform the five choices. If not the readers will not be satisfied. Because they still expect to be told the choices which the Topic Sentence promises.
    “Yesterday shanti’s younger brother come from Indonesia. His name Bernard. He has studied in Europe for many years about International Languages and because he always study hard about this, now he can speak some international languages fluently. He can speaks Spanish, Dutch, german, and indonesian. He enjoy with German language, He has mastered about German but not just it he also can write in German as well as Germans do. Because of his language ability, bernard is considered as a young polyglot in his university”.

    2. This paragraph fully explain. So it clear nothing that must be correct and revise.

    3. This paragraph not relevan and not clear, there explain about vacation about 2 hour but too short.

    “ And It my experience a month ago in Sumatra. Firstly, I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. We stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. We bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons”. The last, we went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. What a great experience!

     
  136. Rino Ade Walluvi

    April 2, 2011 at 03:23

    ====== WRITING ASSIGNMENT =======

    Paragraph part A
    According to me, paragraph part A is not relevant, I have reason about it :
    There is a word “her” but in there, not explain “who is the sister of Bernard” This is my result of revision for paragraph part A :
    Karen has the younger brother, his names is Bernard. He has studied in Europe for many years about International Languages and because he always study hard about this, now he can speak some international languages fluently. One of the languages which can him speaks is German. He has mastered about German but not just it he also can write in German as well as Germans do, because of them, he is considered as a young polyglot in his university.

    Paragraph part B
    In paragraph part B, this paragraph part B was enough for readers to understand what aim of paragraph part B.

    Paragraph part C
    For paragraph part C. to make simply paragraph, we can delete one sentence, it is about story of Borneo. This is my revision for part C :
    I have story about my vacation a month ago in Sumatra. Firstly, I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. We stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. We bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons. The last, we went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. What a great experience!

     
  137. Anis Musthorikah

    April 2, 2011 at 03:19

    1. This paragraph does not fully explain what it must explain. If the Topic Sentence states that Bernard speaks some international languages, the paragraph has to inform the five choices. If not the readers will not be satisfied. Because they still expect to be told the choices which the Topic Sentence promises.

    “Yesterday shanti’s younger brother come from Indonesia. His name Bernard. He has studied in Europe for many years about International Languages and because he always study hard about this, now he can speak some international languages fluently. He can speaks Spanish, Francais, Dutch, german, and indonesia. He enjoy with German language, He has mastered about German but not just it he also can write in German as well as Germans do. Because of his language ability, bernard is considered as a young polyglot in his university”.

    2. This paragraph fully explain. So it clear nothing that must be corect and revisi.

    3. This paragraph not relevan and not clear, there explain about vacation about 2 hour but too short.

    “ And It my experience a month ago in Sumatra. Firstly, I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. We stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. We bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons”. The last, we went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. What a great experience!

     
  138. WAHYU FIKIH ANDIANI A2

    April 1, 2011 at 13:58

    Exercise 3

    Paragraph 3 isn’t thoroughly developed,this is my opinion :

    a. in my opinion in the first paragraph is less so perfect and requires pengamban again to be a sentence that semourna and lebi maksut can understand more of the core sentence paragraphs

    b. the second paragraph is good and clear, leading to what is described. focus on objects that in talking about

    c. in the third paragraph is also still in need of some explanatory sentence about how the trip to be more able to understand the reader, because I think in a recreational trip, especially when there must be something that is impressive, there are also some experience

    ===================================================

    Assigment 3

    I ought to revise the paragraph above,It migh then read as follows:

    a. youngest brother named bernard has been studying in Europe for many years and he also has mastered a variety of international languages ​​fluently, especially the German language. he mastered the language very well. not only that even he can also practice how to write, with his ability that he is considered as a young pioneer German language

    c. one month ago I have spent my time for a vacation and make a trip to sumatra, two days I’ve spent to travel to Maninjau lake near the desert, when he got there I immediately swim to enjoy the freshness of water,,, to then enjoy the catch of fish directly from the lake are still very fresh,,, plus it enjoys the air kegaran there are very cool. after completion I immediately proceeded to the high hill, which is a small city on the hill with some pedasaan. so fun my trip to sumatra,,,

     
  139. Putriyanto English A2

    April 1, 2011 at 13:41

    exercise 3 :
    ……………………………………………………………………………………..
    a.)in this paragraph i think is not developed because there is still sentences that is not coherence from one paragraph to another and it needs the explanation to make it perfect.

    b.)the paragraph is developed well and its were coherence among one sentence to another .

    c.)in these paragraph i should revise because there are some words that should be changed in order that coherence to another sentences .

    ……………………………………………………………………………………..
    assignment 3
    …………………………………………………………………………………….
    in this occasion i ought to revise the paragraph above in order that perfect to make suitable is like the writting system of paragraph .
    and it migh then read as follows :

    a.) Her younger brother; Bernard, who has studied in Europe for many years. and he can speaks some international languages fluently. German is one of the languages that Bernard has mastered in languges really well and also he can speaks and write it practically as well as Germans do. Because of his language ability, Bernard is considered as a young polyglot.(these paragraph has been revised).

    c.) A month ago I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. i stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. i bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons. Then i went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. The last, I had the same trips in Borneo. There were some amusing sites that I could enjoy and seek new adventures. What a great experience! (these paragraph has been revised)
    ……………………………………………………………………………
    above is the result of revison of assignment 3 and also my point of the view about the three paragraph in the exercise 3 . and if there is something wrong of my correction i apologize cos i am still in learning process and i wanna learn more to you about how to correct/revise paragraph and also the way to arrange sentence well according to the good writting system/method .
    please correct it accurately and i hope god be with you forever

     
  140. ali basri

    April 1, 2011 at 07:10

    a.This paragraph is not relevant, because in that explanation, bernard can speak the language fluently without known how and where to place the process of learning.

    b.In this paragraph the phrase “To take pictures successfully using a manual” is not clear. should be “To take a picture so successful, using manual tools.”

    c.In this paragraph is also not relavan especially at the end of the sentence. can not say disconnected. This burden of proof “Finally, I have the same journey in Kalimantan. There are some funny websites that I can enjoy and seek new adventures. What a great experience!

     
  141. hidayatul ismiyah

    April 1, 2011 at 04:41

    EXERCISE 3:
    A.The paragraph is thoroughly developed because this paragraph does fully explain what it must explain and the paragraph is coherence.
    B. The paragraph is thoroughly developed because this paragraph does fully because this paragraph told about step to use a manual, Single Reflex Lens (SRL) to get satisfactory pictures.
    C.The paragraph isn’t thoroughly developed he/she still expect to be told the choices which the Topic Sentence promises.

    ASSIGNMENT 3:
    Paragraph 3 isn’t thoroughly developed.
    This is my explanation:
    (1) A month ago I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. (2)Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. (3)I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. (4)From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. (5)From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre.(6) We stayed in the jungle in a very charming “hotel” with no running water and electricity. (7)We bathed in the river and had dinner under a kerosene lamp. (8)But, it is quite a wonderful sight to see these giant creatures that come swinging along on trees. (9)The surrounding jungle is alive with monkeys and gibbons. (10)Then we went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. (11)The last, I had the same trips in Borneo. (12)There were some amusing sites that I could enjoy and seek new adventures. (13)What a great experience!

    I ought to revise the paragraph above. It migh then read as follows:
    A month ago I spent my vacation trips in Sumatra. Firstly I had 2 days trip at Lake Maninjau near Padang. I swam in the lake, ate fish from the lake and enjoyed the cool breezes. From there I had a two hours trip to Bukit Tinggi, a small hill top town which takes you to some spectacular countryside with coffee, clove and cinnamon plantations. From there I went a bus journey to Bukit Lawang, home of the WWF Orang-Utan Rehabilitation Centre. Then I went to Lake Toba enjoying the beach of Pulau Samosir. The last, I had the same trips in Borneo. There were some amusing sites that I could enjoy and seek new adventures. What a great experience!

     
    • azizah Nur Imanah

      April 5, 2011 at 15:13

      BOROBUDUR TEMPLE

      Borobudur temple is one of the most beautiful tourist resorts in Indonesia. It is situated in central Java. Borobudur temple is one of the seven wonders of the world, which needs to be preserved its circumstances. The people all over the world know that Borobudur is one of the greatest art works that ever known since long time ago. Borobudur temple was built by syailendra Dynasti during the eight century. It needed more than two million river stones it is the biggest temple in the world. After going into some restorations. Borobudur is visited by more and more tourist, both domestic and foreign tourist. Most of them admire Borobudur temple because of it’s beauty, its elegance and the story of the relief on its walls. Domestic tourist usually go there by bus or private cars, while foreign tourists like to join travel bureau because they don’t need to think of the transportation accommodation and itinerary. There are some money changers around the location. It makes them easier to change their money. But some of them like to bring credit cards and checks.

      IDENTIFY
      Topic Sentences : Borobudur temple is one of the most beautiful yourist resort in Indonesia.
      Mass 1 : Borobudur temple is one of the seven wonders of the world, which needs to be reserved is circumtances.
      Miss 1.1 : The people all over the world know that Borobudur is one of the greatest art works that ever known since long time ago.
      Mass 2 : Borobudur temple was built by Syailendra Dynasti during the eight century.
      Miss 2.1 : It needed more than two million river stones.
      Mass 3 : Borobudur is visited by more and more tourist, both domestic and foreign tourist.
      Miss 3.1 : Most of them admire Borobudur temple because of its beauty, its elegance and the story of the relief on its walls.
      Mass 4 : Domestic tourist usually go there by bus or private cars, while foreign tourist like to join travel bureau because they don’t need to think of the transportation, accommodation, and itinerary.
      Miss 4.1 : There are some money changers around the location.
      Miss 4.2 : Its makes them easier to change their money
      miss 4.3 : But some of them to bring credit cards and checks.
      Conclusion : Borobudur Temple is the biggest temple in the world.

       
    • novita septiyani /pnd. b.inggris 2010

      April 14, 2011 at 11:11

      Exercise 3
      a. Paragraph “ A” is Thoroughly developed because the text write is Bernard is considered as a young polyglot, so international mens he can specak other than Germany.
      b. Paragraph “ B” is Thoroughly developed because this paragraph is has a clear main idea and one sentence and the other sentence is very coherence.
      c. Paragraph “C” is Not thoroughly developed because this paragraph is not revelan , Borneo is not in Sumatra but in Kalimantan and the main idea said is “ my vacation trips in Sumatra”.

       
    • novita septiyani /pnd. b.inggris 2010

      April 14, 2011 at 11:15

      My answers to Exercise 3
      a. Paragraph “ A” is Thoroughly developed because the text write is Bernard is considered as a young polyglot, so international mens he can specak other than Germany.
      b. Paragraph “ B” is Thoroughly developed because this paragraph is has a clear main idea and one sentence and the other sentence is very coherence.
      c. Paragraph “C” is Not thoroughly developed because this paragraph is not revelan , Borneo is not in Sumatra but in Kalimantan and the main idea said is “ my vacation trips in Sumatra”.

       
    • Mila Kholifah

      April 16, 2011 at 10:47

      a. Not Relevant
      Sentence which shows no relevant information is Bernard
      Her younger brother
      Revice the paragraph
      Bernard who had studied in Europe for many years, has mastered several international languages with fluenty, including German, English, French and others. But Bernard’s most preferred language well is German language support he can talk and communicate using the German language well, so he was able to put it in writing so that Bernard is considered as a young Polyglot.
      b. Not Relevant
      Sentence which snow no relevant information
      – Before shooting you need to make to perform certain That you have focused on the subject.
      – And when you press the release button, make sure That you hold your camera firmly.
      – If you follow the above steps, you deserve beautiful, satisfactory picture.
      Revice the paragraph
      To take pictures successfully using amanual, singlerefexlens (SRL) requires accuary camero. Before shooting, you need to make to perform certain That you have focused in the subject.
      Before taking pictures you need to make to perform certain That you focused on the subject. Be sure too That you set the light meter carefully to obtain correct exposure. Do not forget to check speed written on the movie box. Or instance iso100/din 21. And when you will start taking pictures make sure That you hold your camera firmly, you must Avoid shaking the camera. If you follow the above steps, you will from have good picture.
      c. Not relevant
      Sentence that shows irrelevant
      The last. I Had the Same trips n Bronco. There were amusing Some sites seek That I enjoy the new Adventures what a great experience.
      Revice the paragraph
      If the paragraph above should be relevant to the last sentence ends on Samosir Island says

       
    • Ekawati enis

      April 16, 2011 at 10:49

      a. Not Relevant
      Sentence which shows no relevant information is Bernard
      Her younger brother
      b. Not Relevant
      Sentence which snow no relevant information
      – Before shooting you need to make to perform certain That you have focused on the subject.
      – And when you press the release button, make sure That you hold your camera firmly.
      – If you follow the above steps, you deserve beautiful, satisfactory picture.
      Not relevant
      Sentence that shows irrelevant
      The last. I Had the Same trips n Bronco. There were amusing Some sites seek That I enjoy the new Adventures what a great experience.

       

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